Ass-Crumb's Songbook

[Shyheart]

These are some songs I have written sporadically this past year or so. Some are shit, some are great, and I feel I have improved over the course of writing them. Without further ado.

This was one I wrote just to be a folk song I guess. It was written about the 'devil's chair' in Florida, something I got to visit while I was there on vacation once. I wouldn't suggest you bother unless you're in a cult because it's pretty much just a chair, but it makes for an interesting story.

This one's called The Devil's Chair

Let me tell you a story
about a man and the old dark lord
with a heart of darkness
and an unholy horde
he commanded the sin and lore

In a town called Cassadaga
Long long time ago
small little town
with few folks around
and a secret that not too many know

they say if you sit in that chair
from the dusk down to the dawn
You'll meet that man
with those cold clammy hands
and he will make the night so long

And if you stay through
the long and windy night
It'll be long time
until you wake again
and you won't know what's right

-I once knew a man
A long long time ago
Sat down in that chair
And down to hell he'd go

And if you think you're brave
or if you want an early grave
head on down to the devil's chair
In that old town of cassadaga

And if you don't believe
you know your eyes won't decieve
Sit down in that chair
Sit down there, if you dare

And if you think you're brave
or if you want an early grave
head on down to the devil's chair
In that old town of cassadaga

This is one I wrote last year, and it's an attempt to write a kind of throwaway song for a band I was in. (It was centered around a really simple riff, and expirementing with effects was easy with it). It's about thievery, although I was pretty high when I wrote it so I could've been writing about something else now that I think about it (This was written as one verse, and got several added to it after a long time).

This ones called Like a Rhinestone

Like a rhinestone very cheap
In your Isle you'll see me creep
Sell it all for profits money reaped
And I won't make a single peep

Because stealing's a game
and It's won I'll win
No fortune or fame
Just adrenaline

Like a glove that's a perfect fit
I did those crimes I must admit
Don't bother judging, don't have a fit
You'll never catch me, you should just quit.

What's the point of this?
It's all just a miss
Stealing worthless trinkets
Over dumb deals and bets
Never going nowhere
no reason to exist

But stealing is fun I'll give you that
Trapped by a cat, you'll run like a rat
go out that door before the alarm
Far away you're safe from harm

Today's bounty, whatsit dig
just some change, nothing big
All this trouble, what'd I get?
Nothing much, stealing for the fun it

It's like a rhinestone, very cheap

This next one was written in no specific style, so I guess you could say the style is all my own. I was originally trying to just write a simple love song, but it kind of evolved into a cynical allegory of stalking and rape, or some shit. I don't know. Make what you want out of it.

This one doesn't have a title yet.

Outside your window
and watching, and waiting
admiring you but oh
you'll never know

Stand away from afar
you are the shining star
behind my corner, I laze
and at your beauty I gaze

Why won't you love me?
I'd give my all it's true
but you will never notice
because I'm so afraid of you

Oh, my,
Golden thing
With your fragile wing
My dreams you bring

Oh my,
Paradigm
She's a beauty
so sublime
though she's not even mine

Why won't you love me?
Around your corner I'll sneak
But you will never notice
It's a feeling so oblique

Why won't you love me?
You won't feel a thing
And you will never notice
And the sirens will ring

Why won't you love me?
It's over now
And you will never notice
My seed has been sowed

And why don't you love me?
I'll never know this

That's all for now. I'll leave this thread for a while and post in it when I can, and hopefully I'll be able to mantain some quality in my postings. Please review them and suggest things I can do to make them better (I'm not worried about spelling and grammar so much, so if you can please just ignore any mistakes if you're going to criticise my work.)

[Shyheart]

This next one is more of a poem, but I wrote some chords around it and some friends like it so I made it kind of a song. It was written for school in a semi-forced environment so I wouldn't call it my best work, but it's tentatively called 'The end' and it was inspired by Muse's Exogenesis.

It's in seven parts: The End

Part I: Countdown to the End

On one morning, peaceful day
the countdown does begin
and as apocalypse awaits
the man with the sign says 'ten'

Their is no sign as life goes on
But the Earth silently whines
The birds still sing a sweetly song
The man with the sign says 'Nine'

the dogs will bark
As the final days await
the horsemen will begin to lark
The man with the sign says 'eight'

And as the sinners begin to pray
one last "ah-men"
they look up and away
The man with the sign says "seven"

the kingdom then is in the know
And as the doomsday clock does tick
the animals scatter to and fro
The man with the sign says 'six'

As another day does pass
Sinners thank God to be alive
But the timer ticks alas
The man with the sign says 'Five'

A million souls will beg to be let in
As heaven begins locks its doors
As god's rule then is questioned
The man with the sign says 'four'

And as a fierce wind does blow
A rumbling starts at sea
and as the warnings still grow
The man with the sign says 'three'

as our race comes to terms
and there's nothing we can do
the earth begins to shake and squirm
The man with the sign says 'two'

The clouds arise and turn to dark
And the end has just begun
the horsemen begin to disembark
The man with the sign says 'one'

The day is dark and grass is dead
and there will be no more heroes
the sun will rise and the ends ahead
Because the man has said zero

Part II: Apocalypse

As it starts the forests die
and the chasm unlids its eye
and death begins to kiss its lips
and the world welcomes the apocalypse

A torrent in the mainland seeps
as ocean begins to reap
and water then covers the land
and the flood does then give its hand

And from the earth a mighty roar
as the ground begins to rip and quake
and in the air souls begin to soar
as the world begins to break

And as our reign comes to an end
And as we ponder what we are
Looming on the horizon descends
and nearing comes a falling star

the Earth then is in perfect harmony
lending itself to tragedy
It is it's one last joy
To be the ends one Envoy

Part III: Sleep

And after we then meet
our final end at hand
The earth begins to sleep
calming the savage lands

the birds do sing
and the flowers bloom
heavens bells do ring
and rebirth is on the loom

and from the deep rubble
stirs the worlds last life
the worlds last hope bubbles
as men and women and children come alive

not even the world could stop their love
not hells fury nor the gods above
the families innocence is burned
and there is no lesson to be learned

but through their hope they build again
a society thats free from pain
and no one there to take away
but no one there to pave the way

aimlessly they start a town
no laws or police to keep from crime
no man to lead them with a crown
and all this at the same time

as four cosmonauts revolve the earth
nothing there to give them worth
no reason to even believe
that in the sky, four people grieve

Part IV: Space

But as this all came to light
four men and women looked below
lost in orbit and in flight
the astronauts have lost their home

no contact and solitude
no rations nor even food
god abandoned them in the sky
and only he knows why

as the air inside begins to lapse
and violence starts to corrupt
a small spark begins to clap
and in their prison fire erupts

they say in space there is no noise
no one could hear the girls and boys
but if you could change those laws
you would hear their hopeless caws

the endless vacuum drains their life
the pressure crushes their hold
As their end shall come to light
their lives are gone just like our world

Part V: Mu

And what was humanity's last wish?
As doomsday was unleashed
Their words were just prayers on wind
As they begged to be forgived

But oh human's last hopes
begin to spread anew
And as its last remnants elope
to the isle of Mu

Part VI: New hope

All their rage is cast aside
all their hate kept inside
bigotry and racism gone
only hope and love still shone

death echoes loud to a shout
as it starts to grow their doubt
their trials are hard and their lives are short
but they make the most out of their work

humanity begins again
and man and man are friends
all their emotion fall astray
and hate dissolves and fades away

But oh the greed behind their eyes
and shameless crimes and hurtful eyes
and corporation begins takes ahold
As man repeats the problems of old

Part VII: The End

Electricity does begin to give
an ever glowing light
but oh the world does not forgive
another deadly blight

But oh pollution seethes the lakes
as they repeat the same mistakes
and forest again begin to die
As the earth quietly cries

And as the humans begin to grow
an ever expanding borough
Gods rage then begins anew
and anger then does he stew

and the ticking hands start up once more
as the clock begins again
And just as it was foretold by lore
the man with the sign says ten

[Shyheart]

This is a song I wrote about a year and a half ago while my cousin was dealing with an oxycotton addiction. I didn't want him to know it was about him so I didn't write it about pills, and instead about harder drugs. I think I over thought some of the verses and they may sound kind of bad, but it's still a decent work IMHO.

Again, no title.

And if you ride the iron horse
until blood takes it's course
and you'll have that feeling then
and drift off to a gentle heaven

-the needle tears a hole in the wall
and your sensibilities begin to fall
the pinch will morph into pleasure
and you'll have a feeling without measure

and time will go as fast as light
and day will go quick to night
the needle is like a metal crown
but soon enough you will come down

-the needle tears a hole in the wall
and your sensibilities begin to fall
and while your addiction creeps
Pleasure, blood and money reaps

and your teeth will wear
as your scabs start to tear
your body won't know where to go
and there's no hope for you to say no

[Shyheart]

This was mostly a throwaway song I penned. It was called Two Letters but I also considered just calling it "No" or "Say No" because that's kind of what it's about. The word no. But it's not some anti-drug song or some gay shit like that.

Two letters that's the end of the world
Two letters and your answers unfurled
Two letters and rejection is yours
Two letters that we all abhor

It's the first thing you'll learn,
that one common return
Never want to hear it said to you-
But you'll say it again, it's true

Two letters that's the end of time
Two letters won't get you a dime
Two letters and it's the first you'll ever hear
Two letters that are always a sneer

When it's said to you, you weep
A subtle nuance to keep you from sleep
When it's said to you, you weep
A strong answer, that's skin-deep

When you don't know what to say
Don't have any opinion to lay,
When you have no where to go
Just say no.

More to come soon.

[Shyheart]

This next one is called The Golden Road, it's about really just life in general. Enjoy.

My world is all outside
Why would you pave my golden road?
The doors are open wide
And now every day I'm growing old

Will we still be friends?
When the golden road comes to an end
And in the end
Will we meet again?

Strolling bristly along,
Walking along that golden road
Enjoying life with song
What do you think destiny bodes?

Soon it'll be all done,
At the end of a long and golden road
Look at the setting sun
Your body limp and growing cold

[Kajenx]

I think it's a shame to post work here and not get feedback, so I went through all of your stuff individually.

The Devil's Chair

This feels a lot like that song where the devil and the man have a duel on the fiddle ("The Devil Went Down to Georgia?" I had to google it, lol). The story isn't anything like it, but it's obviously the inspiring format. I was trying to wrap my head around the layout, but while it had the rhythm of a song, it threw me a bit. I'm sure if I heard it sung it'd be fine, though.

The wordplay is pretty simple and it seems more interested in telling a story than being lyrically interesting. While that WAS the format the old folk singers used, I think there's a lot you could do with the wording to make it more interesting in a lyrical sense.

Rhinestone

Apart from a few places, this has that aggressively contrived feel of freestyle rap. The first four lines don't fit into that at all (and feel a bit lame, TBH), but overall it has some smack. I still think it could be pushed a lot further in that direction though. If it wasn't meant to be, I think you might consider it anyway? That's the only way I can read it.

Untitled

This one kind of epitomizes the overarching weak areas in your writing, I think. You rely too heavily on clichés like "shining star" and super contrived rhymes like paradigm and sublime or sneak and oblique. While they aren't as prevalent in your other songs, this one is especially blatant, and it gives it a feeling of hyper-sentimentality, which I don't think you were aiming for. The idea behind it is interesting, but it's written with stock phrases...

The End
This one has that contrived feeling too. I'll give some specific examples:

"On one morning, peaceful day
the countdown does begin"

Also later

"And as the doomsday clock does tick"

And later again

"As another day does pass"

The "does" lines feel blatantly like you're trying to fit into a rhythm or rhyme-scheme. The best lyric poetry just seems to fit without trying, though that takes an awful lot of work...

"The birds still sing a sweetly song"

Again, this section could have been great, the rest of it flows really well, but this line hits me like a slap in the face and wrecks it.

"the horsemen will begin to lark"

I didn't think you could use lark as a verb, but apparently in means to play about in a silly manner, which doesn't seem to fit here at all. Again, it feels contrived, even if the word worked in the poem conceptually, because it's not a word people use that way.

"And as the sinners begin to pray... etc"

This section doesn't use such a blatant voice, but matching the "ah-men" line with the seven line feels brutally forced.

"As heaven begins locks its doors"

I'm not sure if this is a typo or more rhythm-forcing, but it doesn't work.

I'm going to stop here on this one. You said specifically you wouldn't call it your best work, and while I agree, your other work suffers from some similar problems, though not as blatantly, I think.

Untitled

This one is probably the best so far, it doesn't use clichés as much (though it still manages to feel like it in some areas). I think the very last part of it is the best writing so far. It has a good sentiment, and it's written more elegantly. The poem also has some nice double imagery, like the needle tearing a hole in the wall.

I'm thinking this is probably your most honest piece, and it benefits from your direct experience. They say "write what you know" and I think what that means is, write what you feel connected to. Your best work is going to come out of something you can express directly.

Two Letters

You said it's a throw-away song, so I won't go too far into it, but my comments from before ring true.

Golden Road

The writing in this one is much better, but still, I go back to the other comments: it has a very contrived feeling.

It might do you good to work some stuff out in free verse and work on wordplay and rhythm, then bring the rhyming back in after a bit more practice. Right now it feels like everything in your poetry bows over to an oppressive rhyme-scheme that just kills it. Rhyme isn't bad when it's done right, but when it's done wrong it's the worst kind of poetry because it mows over every other part of the poem with its obviousness.

Also, look at you rhinestone piece again, I think there that contrived feel let itself to the form of the poem. That might also be an interesting direction to pursue.

[FallenRevival]

At 1/27/10 11:21 PM, Ass-Crumb wrote: Here comes the troll.

Cool story bro.