Throw tomatoes at the loser...with love.
Topic: What's my topic again?
(Blink182 reference...sorta?)
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
--:-- / --:--
I'll sumbit mine tomorrow, if you don't mind. It's 8:39 pm and I REALLY need to crack down on some hw.
I put the BS in BBS.
wasn't i suppose to have been switched to the ravariel/ subject666 battle?
At 3/4/10 01:58 AM, munio wrote: wasn't i suppose to have been switched to the ravariel/ subject666 battle?
The way the chips fell I had to put you with these guys or not at all. I am trying to get everyone to the same-ish amount of battles.
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
This is the best i could come up with, i really hate it myself but still feel like i had to post it anyway, this was not ment to offend anyone i will apologise in advance if someone does feel insulted.
my mind was shall we say occupied
What's my topic again
Don't stop telling
Tell me what to do
Someone tell me
Or something
Muse speak to me,
Your humblest poet
Lies dire like desert rivers
Whisper it in my ear
Be sensual be soft, be full of pain and fury, be a spark be a thought, be a light, be a last farewell
But be
Why? For depression for love for fun and the games
Lock it, stop drop, torture the plan, I demand you tell me what to do!
It isn't up to you
Flew fried faded forgotten, flowed away so long
But cruel mistress tell me, may I, or do you?
Lotus flower holds only haiku's
Bricks only statues
Canvas only paintings
And thoughts only images
But neither of us, knows
Everyone knows, but they don't tell you
I only smell echoes of pictures long faded the untouchable nectar of the diamond springs, sweet.
Please Thaleia tell Clio, and all her other sisters that those green laced, coffins are to true to follow Osiris path.
At 3/3/10 06:28 PM, TrevorW wrote: Throw tomatoes at the loser...with love.
Topic: What's my topic again?
(Blink182 reference...sorta?)
Here it is, but would you throw cookies at me if I lose? I like cookies better than toh-may-toes.
Mind paces to and fro,
don't quite know which way to go.
What's my theme? I am beset in woe.
Maybe I will find it.
My synapses fizzle, I'm in a trance,
like my life's memory is a passing glance,
is it Mercury, Shakespeare, England or France?
The theme is enveloped in a bottomless pit.
Reaching, reaching, for the answer,
such ignorance should be considered a cancer.
Like a choreographer searching for a dancer,
Until I find it, my resolve will not quit.
For days I continue to wonder,
how I have this topic in a blunder,
my mind I have torn asunder.
For sadly, it is but a whit.
Defeated, and in disgrace,
man should not hope to see imperfection's face.
But I digress, and fall from grace,
I cannot withstand time's grit.
And so my fellow, all perplexed,
Do not stress, and to yourself not be vexed.
For if you do, then you will be the next,
To never know when to quit.
I have my milk ready.
I put the BS in BBS.
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
At 3/4/10 11:47 PM, TrevorW wrote: Nate is out.
Start the voting please!
JEZUS CRIST I didnt even know i got one yet i just found the PM about it!!!
its fine thought Ill just be more active about it.
Good luck
Nateofwar owns your mother
At 3/5/10 03:33 AM, Nateofwar wrote:At 3/4/10 11:47 PM, TrevorW wrote: Nate is out.JEZUS CRIST I didnt even know i got one yet i just found the PM about it!!!
Start the voting please!
its fine thought Ill just be more active about it.Good luck
Well as no one has voted, and if the other two don't mind, you could still submit.
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
At 3/5/10 03:33 AM, Nateofwar wrote:At 3/4/10 11:47 PM, TrevorW wrote: Nate is out.JEZUS CRIST I didnt even know i got one yet i just found the PM about it!!!
Start the voting please!
its fine thought Ill just be more active about it.Good luck
calm down,
Like our previous battle i am okay with it just don't develop an habbit
I put the BS in BBS.
I put the BS in BBS.
Ok. Voting HAS to start. I think 2 days more would be fair for legit voting. Get those votes in!
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
Okay it was hard for me to choose because you both tackled the topic from very different points of view and in contrasting styles.
Munio, I liked your intense poetic imagery and you demonstrated a strong vocabulary through-out your entry. My issue is that although you have shown that your more than capable of writing to high standards, I feel you may have written something overly complicated for the theme. I like to write in the same way sometimes, but only when it's appropriate, and although you did a great job, I have to say you lost me at times. That may have been your intention, but personally, I feel that poems in that sort of style should hold a more personal stake. I suppose the lesson to be learnt here is that its one thing to be able to write in various styles and structures, but choosing when a style is appropriate is another matter all together.
I would like to just also add that I found the way your entry flowed to be quite intriguing, and really added a new dimension to your content, so well done there!
Funnyhomeboy, you get my vote for this battle, because you addressed the theme with tact and control. You may have left room for improvement in your use of language, however, it was still well written and served its purpose. I will however mention that I couldn't help but feel like you were trying to force one or two rhymes, or the structure sort of lost its flow in places. It may be an idea to try and remember that sometimes you have to ask if you're sacrificing content for the sake of structure, and then ask if it's worth it.
All in all, I enjoyed both submissions, but I'm afraid my vote has to go to Funnyhomeboy, for the way he addressed the subject.
Well done to the both of you though, i enjoyed this battle!
Oh yeah, I forgot to throw the score at the end, sorry guys.
Funnyhomeboy - 1
Munio - 0
Munio had some great imagry, but his poem was marred by poor flow in some lines. Funnyhomeboy's imagry wasn't as great, but he had an intricate rhyme-scheme and won major points for good execution. Funnyboy gets my vote! :)
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
Than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.
-- ee cummings
I really dug munio's imagery and metaphor. I think it could have been better formatted in order to flow better, but all in all I really enjoyed it.
Funnyhomeboy had an interesting take on the idea, and a complex rhyme scheme that was difficult for him to maintain, and he ended up with rhythmic issues that made it difficult for me to get into the flow.
My vote goes to munio.
munio: 1
funnyhomeboy: 2
Tis better to sit in silence and be presumed a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I feel sorry for nateofwar not showing up, but ah well
Second; thanks guys for the positive criticism but i would like to add an remark to Megakill's argument:
There are an infinte number of ways to tackle any topic, and i agree that every way has styles which work best for that particular approach. Personally my favourite style is the type you saw in this poem, and i think it worked considering the topic at hand. However that's just my opinion and i understand that personal preference has had something to do with it, and i can't blame you.
And lastly to clearify; i did intentionally do a "poor" job at "formatting" to (among other reasons) foreground certain things, but from your remarks i'm afraid that this might not have come across fully, ah well thats another lesson for next time.
Yeah, I had a set rhyme scheme in mind, but I found some areas had a weird pattern to them.
I can understand that, because I kinda cringed a little when I read over it.
I put the BS in BBS.
if no one else is gonna vote on this, i have to hand it to funnyhomeboy
munio: 1
funnyhomeboy: 2
Good battle guys. Good job!
closed
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
