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SymbolCymbals short stories

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Sometimes i have the urge to write. Its not very often, but when i do write id like to think its not utter crap. Just kinda crappy. I had posted these previously in my blog but since the traffic there isnt to trafficy and the responses i get are just spam, I figured i would post up some of my work here and possibly get some feedback or hate. Both are welcome.

A MINATORY AND FOREIGN VISITOR

OMFG! I know! i spent all tuesday night waiting for 10 seconds before the stroke of midnight.
When suddenly 2 minutes before i could "5" my song and "0" bomb all the noooobs that five their shit all the time. i hear a large crash from the next room. I sweat it sounded like a sack of dead foxes had hit the floor with a sickening slap of wet bloody tightly packed fuzzy cadavers.

i immediately stood up and grasped the chair. it felt comfortable to hold something that i could easily throw at a moments notice. as i dragged the chair along the hollow sounding dry wooden floor i perked my ears to the doorway of the small computer closet on the mezzanine of my complex. I fi could of only rushed out the room. I could have inspected and been back to the refresh button on the top submissions in trance. NO!!!!...

I stopped troubling myself of what could have been. i needed to see what was beyond that door into the dark hallway. My younger brothers room is where i felt the sound come from. It was impossible to tell by the sound. This loud vibrating auditory apparition seemed so loud and sudden to even believe it had reverberated off every walls entering the fragile impulse in my head. It almost seemed like it never happened from the crushing silence that followed the sickly sound.

I grabbed my balls tight an proceed into the dark hallway. I opened my eyes as wide as i could with the hope of catching something in my peripheral. the clamminess immediately set into my palms that held the chair that i had been hugging since i entered the hallway. I had to constantly move my eyes back and forth to sense any movement up ahead. my breathing sounded like the rough reed that had taken on the characteristics of my increasingly swelling trachea. My heart pounded and my skin had felt like an iron maiden of tazer like nerve impulses. The feeling snapped me out of my own mind and into my eyes.

What was beyond the door. A simple door illuminated only by the green glow of the digital timepiece on the coffee stand in the living room. The numbers menaced me from across the room like a cheshire cat coating you with riddles and illusions. The clock read 11:52.

{{{{Find out what is wrong and get back to the screen!!!}}}}

I shot for te door with no abandone. Every fiber of my body reached, yurned, for the handle. my fingers grasped the handle with fluid motion and dark perseverence. i felt lighting at my fingertips, as my wet palm fully grasped the handle.
With hand on the the midsection and throttle of the the entrance to a portal beyond my imagination. I HAD THRUST MY WAY INTO THE ROOM!!! The lights were bright and humbled my step. I had brought the chair up to my defense. When suddenly through the blinding light a large appendage had smashed into the chair in front of me. Holding fast to the chair i had been thrown into the wall with the now compromised chair. The force of the blow had fast moving splinters all around me. The rear left leg had flew past my eye. I could see the broken wooden grain. I recreated the snapping sound over and over in my head.
It had deflated me significantly.

I rolled off the wall and fell back into the hallway. onto my back.... I started to panic and scamble down the hallway. The floor seemed to be coated in butter.

It emerged from the room. A shiny helmet had slowly appered from the midrift of the doorframe. It had scraped itself on the molding making a frightful sound of pure size and power. As if i were caught in a terrible night terror playing the role of a sick hedomasochistic maestro weaving the story to myself of a reality shattering nightmare. Its form had emerged. My head floated in thick pools of restraint, my limbs were thrashing in a box of oily packing penuts. The horror of my reality stood before me in the menacing green glow of the clock, the sickening pace of the second counter, 23, 24, 25, 26, had added a change of light every second. my vision became out of body and behind me. Time was moving so fast.

Its body emerged as a cobra slick with sweat, the helmet had no face nestled in its shiny hard cranial protecting cavity. It seems to not have a face but wrinkled flesh being pulled and strethced from the pounding muscles that throbbed freely yet uniformly beneath the slick taught skin.

As my eyes took in the horror that lay before me i had somehow gotten to my feet. Rising to my full height i began sizing up to the beast before me. As it slowly twitched its way towards me i realized the true height of this monster. Towering above me at a single inch from the ceiling the flexing and throbbing monster dragged itself towards me. As i turned to run into the digital green nothing, my eyes wide as dinner plates i had fixed my gaze on the bottom of this alien impregnator of reality. I had seen a large mound at its base that seemed to stretch and roll like the treads of a flesh covered tank. The movement was so chaotic yet fluid. The shiny helmet with no face jerked violently up and down as the creature tried to pick up speed.

11:59:34 PM

The green message of the clock bit me like a black widow. I was never going to make top 30. everyday fiving my own artistic contribution and giving zeros to lesser developed producers was all to go to waste.
I would go back after midnight to find my song had been giving a painful undeserving 0. Jealousy raged in my body, fire burned through my veins, my ears became hot, my skin filled with hot blood. My muscles swelling, This lightning rush of power, fearlessness and pure disregard for my well being i pivoted on my already racing feet, my heal sank onto the dry wooden floor as if it had formed to provide me with a point for the stored kinetic destruction that raged in my soul.
I shot into the beast with my shoulder. I felt i could break through bricks, that i could chew steel, that i could just will myself to explode upon impact.
We collided, to my surprise the floppy beast had gave to my blow. It midsection had folded in leaving the base and tip suspended in inevitable neck braking whiplash.
I had diverted my fast moving mass past the beast and crashed into the wall behind. As my head hit the wall i suddenly felt a hot oily mass of weight land on my shoulder. The pure mass of this substance had knocked me to my knees as my handled scrambled for purchase. It was too late. I was stuck to the corner of the wall. My flashing limbs were sucked back to me. The bonds of this substance seemed to race all over me with a feeling of living predatorial instinct.

Through the blur of my flashing limbs i caught the bending midsection of the beast, It had bent back like a maplewood bow. Some malevolent pull of slick tendons had bent the monster in half.
It was reaching back to snap back and crush me with its significant power and girth.

The shiny helmet whipped down with impossible speed. i stretch out my arms in a useless attempt tp hold back the impending bone crushing blow i was about to receive. '' i wouldnt even be able to get my arms around it. like those redwood trees that grow on the west coast''
Its crazy. When you feel you are about to die all i could think was an inner monologue... This phrase echoed at great pentameter and intensity in my head such as the mantra of a speeding comet. Time froze....

Karma is a bitch

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 17, 2010


Here is another small little short story i had written. I want to write more to it but i simply had never gotten around to it.

It had seemed like a multiple of eternitys i had been suspended in a warm viscous liquid. Where was i? What kept me there? Why do i miss it?
The pure black darkness, no sound, no feelings on my skin. It was nothing?!
Was i not existing in a place where i could only exist as a medium to feel the long drag of time?
I had to recollect my thoughts. I had to pull my mind from the abyss that swallowed me whole.

i Ran my hands through my hair expecting to feel a hot slick of thick animated fluid. My hair was dry. i was here. My eyes had begun to get used to the light. The shimmer of light here was soft and radiant. I felt a soft caress of heat surrounding me from the light. As my eyes adjusted slowly and comfortably to my surroundings i realized that there was no surroundings. I could not identify the source of the light.

I quickly looked down expecting myself to be about to fall into the srrounding light but to my surprise my feet were planted solid on a transparent ground. Pure warm brilliance emminated below me. I looked like it was light years away. I spit on the ground to test if the surface was glass or a field of some kind. The pathetic attempt gave me no answer. It just fell and fell until it was consumed by the light. A thought slammed into my consciousness making me mouth the words.... It worked! IT WORKED! I was inside the black hole!

Novosibirsk Siberia 21:03 May, 7, 2129

"Where the hell did he go! He was just on the screen and now hes gone."

"Sir, the hole is closing at a faster rate than we had anticipated."

"How much faster?!"

"Sir the hole will be fully closed in one hour, we have to make contact with the beacon or we will have lost the Obsidian Dawn and Lieutenant Hershey."

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 19, 2010


thanks for the wonderful feedback

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 19, 2010


Minor Points:

I'm doing these generally and by the paragraph, because I see no reason to take time going into detail when it's quite clear you didn't take the time to run this through a word processor and hit spell check and grammar check.

OMFG! I know! i spent all tuesday night waiting for 10 seconds before the stroke of midnight.

When suddenly 2 minutes before i could "5" my song and "0" bomb all the noooobs that five their shit all the time. i hear a large crash from the next room. I sweat it sounded like a sack of dead foxes had hit the floor with a sickening slap of wet bloody tightly packed fuzzy cadavers.

Cap your I's.
"when" to "time" is a sentence fragment. And your last sentence makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

i immediately stood up and grasped the chair. it felt comfortable to hold something that i could easily throw at a moments notice. as i dragged the chair along the hollow sounding dry wooden floor i perked my ears to the doorway of the small computer closet on the mezzanine of my complex. I fi could of only rushed out the room. I could have inspected and been back to the refresh button on the top submissions in trance. NO!!!!...

Cap your I's.
Please look up when to use periods, and when to use commas.

I stopped troubling myself of what could have been. i needed to see what was beyond that door into the dark hallway. My younger brothers room is where i felt the sound come from. It was impossible to tell by the sound. This loud vibrating auditory apparition seemed so loud and sudden to even believe it had reverberated off every walls entering the fragile impulse in my head. It almost seemed like it never happened from the crushing silence that followed the sickly sound.

1. How do you "feel" a sound?
2. What the hell is going on?

I grabbed my balls tight an proceed into the dark hallway. I opened my eyes as wide as i could with the hope of catching something in my peripheral. the clamminess immediately set into my palms that held the chair that i had been hugging since i entered the hallway. I had to constantly move my eyes back and forth to sense any movement up ahead. my breathing sounded like the rough reed that had taken on the characteristics of my increasingly swelling trachea. My heart pounded and my skin had felt like an iron maiden of tazer like nerve impulses. The feeling snapped me out of my own mind and into my eyes.

Cap your I's.
that....that....that....
SP.

I shot for te door with no abandone. Every fiber of my body reached, yurned, for the handle. my fingers grasped the handle with fluid motion and dark perseverence. i felt lighting at my fingertips, as my wet palm fully grasped the handle.

With hand on the the midsection and throttle of the the entrance to a portal beyond my imagination. I HAD THRUST MY WAY INTO THE ROOM!!! The lights were bright and humbled my step. I had brought the chair up to my defense. When suddenly through the blinding light a large appendage had smashed into the chair in front of me. Holding fast to the chair i had been thrown into the wall with the now compromised chair. The force of the blow had fast moving splinters all around me. The rear left leg had flew past my eye. I could see the broken wooden grain. I recreated the snapping sound over and over in my head.
It had deflated me significantly.

Cap your I's.
Spell check.
Sentence fragments.

Oh Christ, this shit is bananas! I can't go on.....

Major Points and Closing Remarks:

This story is incomprehensible. The grammatical and spelling mistakes make me stop every sentence to figure out what it is you're trying to convey, and there doesn't seem to be any logic at all. It's indecipherable, illegible, and a whole bunch of similar adjectives for "4 grammarians died trying to read this today".

I gave up reading because there was nothing to read.

At a minimum, I think you need to:
1.) Fix any grammatical issues to make your sentences comprehensible. The grammar mistakes are so bad that they make the work illegible. Chinese immigrants' broken English is more comprehensible than this.
2.) Run this through a word processor and spell check.

Because you're not communicating a damned thing here. Absolutely no one in their right mind is gonna understand what you've written here.

This might as well be handwritten in crayon otherwise.


Writing Forum Reviewer.

PM me for preferential Writing Forum review treatment.

See my NG page for a regularly updated list of works I will review.

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 20, 2010


wel it is clear i suck at grammar .. maybe i can get an editor, or simply a box of crayons.

But seriously thank you very much for the input. its very clear if im going to continue writing anything i seriously need to get a book on correct grammar either that or an editor. My grammar has always sucked even when i was in hIghschool and all throughout college. Its just something that had never completely stuck in my mind.

But if i were to write this in crayon, what color would attract a reader? :D

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 20, 2010


At 3/17/10 03:18 PM, SymbolCymbal wrote: A MINATORY AND FOREIGN VISITOR

Well, aside from the mechanics mistakes, I actually thought it was pretty good.

You had some great descriptions in there. For example, "I swear it sounded like a sack of dead foxes had hit the floor with a sickening slap of wet bloody tightly packed fuzzy cadavers" was one I really liked. You certainly have a knack for portraying mood and painting a clear and imaginative picture of what's going on. How you got across the protagonist's fear and panic was very well done.

It does seem a bit far fetched at points because it's never explained why the beast was there, but I thought it was witty how the protagonist utilized his indignation at his song's low score to ramp up his strength and fight the monster. I also think the pacing was just right. It was short, but you still were able to hold the tension throughout the entire thing.

I'll do some grammar editing in hopes that it'll help.

Asterisks mark changes; brackets within quotes are my comments; anything that's been changed that isn't starred is probably either a typo or a place where I've removed a word or a comma.

At 3/17/10 03:18 PM, SymbolCymbal wrote: OMFG! I know! i spent all tuesday night waiting for 10 seconds before the stroke of midnight.
When suddenly 2 minutes before i could "5" my song and "0" bomb all the noooobs that five their shit all the time. i hear a large crash from the next room. I sweat it sounded like a sack of dead foxes had hit the floor with a sickening slap of wet bloody tightly packed fuzzy cadavers.

You should talk about the "OMFG I know part," as it doesn't seem to have a reason to be there.

If the number is below 20, you would usually write it out.

Remember that a sentence must have a subject, a verb and, if the verb is transitive, an object. Otherwise, it's a fragment.

When you have strings of adjectives, you need to separate them with commas.

"I* spent all of* Tuesday* night waiting for the* ten* seconds before the stroke of midnight when,* suddenly,* two* minutes before I could "5" my song and "0" bomb all the noobs that five their shit all of* the time,* I* hear a large crash from the next room. I swear* it sounded like a sack of dead foxes had hit the floor with a sickening slap of wet,* bloody,* tightly-packed*,* fuzzy cadavers."

i immediately stood up and grasped the chair. it felt comfortable to hold something that i could easily throw at a moments notice. as i dragged the chair along the hollow sounding dry wooden floor i perked my ears to the doorway of the small computer closet on the mezzanine of my complex. I fi could of only rushed out the room. I could have inspected and been back to the refresh button on the top submissions in trance. NO!!!!...

"I* immediately stood up and grasped the chair. It* felt comfortable to hold something that I* could easily throw at a moment's* notice. As* I* dragged the chair along the hollow-sounding*,* dry wooden floor,* I* perked my ears to the doorway of the small computer closet on the mezzanine of my complex. If* I* could have* only rushed out of the room,* I could have inspected and been back to the refresh button on the top of the submissions in trance."

An apostrophe makes something possessive. If you just add an s like you did with "at a moments notice," then you're making the noun plural.

I stopped troubling myself of what could have been. i needed to see what was beyond that door into the dark hallway. My younger brothers room is where i felt the sound come from. It was impossible to tell by the sound. This loud vibrating auditory apparition seemed so loud and sudden to even believe it had reverberated off every walls entering the fragile impulse in my head. It almost seemed like it never happened from the crushing silence that followed the sickly sound.

"I stopped troubling myself with* what could have been. I* needed to see what was beyond that door in* the dark hallway. My younger brother's* room is where I* felt the sound come from. It was impossible to tell by the sound. This loud,* vibrating,* auditory apparition seemed so loud and sudden to ever* believe it had reverberated off of* every wall* entering the fragile impulse in my head. [this sentence doesn't make sense] It almost seemed like it never happened from the crushing silence that followed the sickly sound."

I grabbed my balls tight an proceed into the dark hallway. I opened my eyes as wide as i could with the hope of catching something in my peripheral. the clamminess immediately set into my palms that held the chair that i had been hugging since i entered the hallway. I had to constantly move my eyes back and forth to sense any movement up ahead. my breathing sounded like the rough reed that had taken on the characteristics of my increasingly swelling trachea. My heart pounded and my skin had felt like an iron maiden of tazer like nerve impulses. The feeling snapped me out of my own mind and into my eyes.

"I grabbed my balls tight and* proceeded* into the dark hallway. I opened my eyes as wide as I* could with the hope of catching something in my peripheral. The* clamminess immediately set into my palms that held the chair that I* had been hugging since I* entered the hallway. I had to constantly move my eyes back and forth to sense any movement up ahead. My* breathing sounded like the rough reed that had taken on the characteristics of my increasingly swelling trachea. My heard pounded and my skin had felt like an iron maiden of taser*-like* nerve impulses. The feeling snapped me out of my own mind and into my eyes."

What was beyond the door. A simple door illuminated only by the green glow of the digital timepiece on the coffee stand in the living room. The numbers menaced me from across the room like a cheshire cat coating you with riddles and illusions. The clock read 11:52.

"What was beyond the door?* A simple door illuminated only by the green glow of the digital timepiece on the coffee stand in the living room. The numbers menaced me from across the room like a Cheshire* cat coasting me* with riddles and illusions. The clock read 11:52."

{{{{Find out what is wrong and get back to the screen!!!}}}}

I'm not sure what this is supposed to be.

I shot for te door with no abandone. Every fiber of my body reached, yurned, for the handle. my fingers grasped the handle with fluid motion and dark perseverence. i felt lighting at my fingertips, as my wet palm fully grasped the handle.

"I shot for the* door with no abandon*. [or "abandonee"? I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean] Every fiber of my body reached, yearned*, for the handle. My* fingers grasped the handle with fluid motion and dark perseverance*. I* felt lighting at my fingertips as my wet palm fully grasped the handle."

With hand on the the midsection and throttle of the the entrance to a portal beyond my imagination. I HAD THRUST MY WAY INTO THE ROOM!!! The lights were bright and humbled my step. I had brought the chair up to my defense. When suddenly through the blinding light a large appendage had smashed into the chair in front of me. Holding fast to the chair i had been thrown into the wall with the now compromised chair. The force of the blow had fast moving splinters all around me. The rear left leg had flew past my eye. I could see the broken wooden grain. I recreated the snapping sound over and over in my head.

[quote]

whoa art what

BBS Signature

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 20, 2010


With hand on the the midsection and throttle of the the entrance to a portal beyond my imagination. I HAD THRUST MY WAY INTO THE ROOM!!! The lights were bright and humbled my step. I had brought the chair up to my defense. When suddenly through the blinding light a large appendage had smashed into the chair in front of me. Holding fast to the chair i had been thrown into the wall with the now compromised chair. The force of the blow had fast moving splinters all around me. The rear left leg had flew past my eye. I could see the broken wooden grain. I recreated the snapping sound over and over in my head.

"With my* hand on the midsection and throttle of the entrance to a portal beyond my imagination,* I had thrust my way into the room! The* lights were bright and humbled my stop. I had brought the chair up to my defense when* suddenly,* through the blinding light a large appendage had smashed into the chair in front of me. Holding fast to the chair,* I* was* thrown into the wall with the now compromised chair. The force of the blow had sent* fast moving splinters all around me. The rear,* left leg had flown* passed* my eye. I could see the broken wooden grain. I recreated the snapping sound over and over in my head."

Never use caps lock in a story. Also, your sentence structure isn't very varied here.

I rolled off the wall and fell back into the hallway. onto my back.... I started to panic and scamble down the hallway. The floor seemed to be coated in butter.

"I rolled off the wall and fell back into the hallway onto my back...* I started to panic and scramble* down the hallway. The floor seemed to be coated in butter."

Only use three periods for an ellipse.

It emerged from the room. A shiny helmet had slowly appered from the midrift of the doorframe. It had scraped itself on the molding making a frightful sound of pure size and power. As if i were caught in a terrible night terror playing the role of a sick hedomasochistic maestro weaving the story to myself of a reality shattering nightmare. Its form had emerged. My head floated in thick pools of restraint, my limbs were thrashing in a box of oily packing penuts. The horror of my reality stood before me in the menacing green glow of the clock, the sickening pace of the second counter, 23, 24, 25, 26, had added a change of light every second. my vision became out of body and behind me. Time was moving so fast.

"It emerged from the room. A shiny helmet had slowly appeared* from the midriff* of the door frame*. It had scraped itself on the molding,* making a frightful sound of pure size and power. As if I* was* caught in a terrible night terror playing the role of a sick hedomasochistic [do you mean "sadomasochistic"?] maestro weaving the story to myself of a reality-shattering* nightmare,* its form emerged. My head floated in thick pools of restraint;* my limbs were thrashing in a box of oily packing peanuts* The horror of my reality stood before me in the menacing green glow of the clock.* The* sickening pace of the second counter -* 23, 24, 25, 26 -* had added a change of light every second. My* vision became out of body and behind me. [This sentence doesn't make sense] Time was moving fast."

Its body emerged as a cobra slick with sweat, the helmet had no face nestled in its shiny hard cranial protecting cavity. It seems to not have a face but wrinkled flesh being pulled and strethced from the pounding muscles that throbbed freely yet uniformly beneath the slick taught skin.

"Its body emerged as a cobra slick with sweat.* The helmet had no face nestled in its shiny,* hard cranial protecting cavity. It seemed* to not have a face,* but rather* wrinkled flesh being pulled and stretched* from the pounding muscles that throbbed freely yet uniformly beneath the slick,* taught skin."

As my eyes took in the horror that lay before me i had somehow gotten to my feet. Rising to my full height i began sizing up to the beast before me. As it slowly twitched its way towards me i realized the true height of this monster. Towering above me at a single inch from the ceiling the flexing and throbbing monster dragged itself towards me. As i turned to run into the digital green nothing, my eyes wide as dinner plates i had fixed my gaze on the bottom of this alien impregnator of reality. I had seen a large mound at its base that seemed to stretch and roll like the treads of a flesh covered tank. The movement was so chaotic yet fluid. The shiny helmet with no face jerked violently up and down as the creature tried to pick up speed.

"As my eyes took in the horror that lay before me,* I* had somehow gotten to my feet. Rising to my full height,* I* began sizing up to the beast before me. As it slowly twitched its way towards me,* I* realized the true height of this monster. Towering above me at a single inch from the ceiling,* the flexing and throbbing monster dragged itself towards me. As I* turned to run into the digital green nothing, my eyes as* wide as dinner plates, I* had fixed my gaze on the bottom of this alien impregnator of reality. [I don't know what word you mean by "impregnator"] I had seen a large mound at its base that seemed to stretch and roll like the treads of a flash covered tank. The movement was so chaotic yet fluid. The shiny helmet with no face jerked violently up and down as the creature tried to pick up speed."

The green message of the clock bit me like a black widow. I was never going to make top 30. everyday fiving my own artistic contribution and giving zeros to lesser developed producers was all to go to waste.

"The green message of the clock bit me like a black widow. I was never going to make the top 30. Every* day* of* fiving my own artistic contribution and giving zeros to lesser developed producers was all going* to go to waste."

I would go back after midnight to find my song had been giving a painful undeserving 0. Jealousy raged in my body, fire burned through my veins, my ears became hot, my skin filled with hot blood. My muscles swelling, This lightning rush of power, fearlessness and pure disregard for my well being i pivoted on my already racing feet, my heal sank onto the dry wooden floor as if it had formed to provide me with a point for the stored kinetic destruction that raged in my soul.

"I would go back after midnight to find that* my song had been given* a painful,* undeserving zero*. Jealousy raged in my body, fire burned through my veins, my ears became hot and* my skin filled with hot blood. My muscles swelled*. This lighting rush of power, fearlessness and pure disregard for my well being,* I* pivoted on my already racing feet.* [This sentence doesn't make sense] My* heal sunk into* the dry wooden floor as if it had been* formed to provide me with a point for the stored kinetic destruction that raged in my soul."

I shot into the beast with my shoulder. I felt i could break through bricks, that i could chew steel, that i could just will myself to explode upon impact.

"I shot into the beast with my shoulder. I felt as though* I* could break through bricks, that I* could chew steel, that I* could just will myself to explode upon impact."


[quote]

whoa art what

BBS Signature

Response to SymbolCymbals short stories Mar 20, 2010


We collided, to my surprise the floppy beast had gave to my blow. It midsection had folded in leaving the base and tip suspended in inevitable neck braking whiplash.

"We collided.* To* my surprise,* the floppy beast had given* in* to my blow. Its* midsection had folded in leaving the base and tip suspended in inevitable,* neck-braking* whiplash."

I had diverted my fast moving mass past the beast and crashed into the wall behind. As my head hit the wall i suddenly felt a hot oily mass of weight land on my shoulder. The pure mass of this substance had knocked me to my knees as my handled scrambled for purchase. It was too late. I was stuck to the corner of the wall. My flashing limbs were sucked back to me. The bonds of this substance seemed to race all over me with a feeling of living predatorial instinct.

"I had diverted my fast-moving* mass past the beast and crashed into the wall behind. As my head hit the wall,* I* suddenly felt a hot,* oily mass of weight land on my shoulder. The pure mass of this substance had knocked me to my knees ad my hands* scrambled for purchase. It was too late. I was stuck to the corner of the wall. My flashing limbs were sucked back to me. The bonds of this substance seemed to race all over me with a felling of living predatory* instinct."

Through the blur of my flashing limbs i caught the bending midsection of the beast, It had bent back like a maplewood bow. Some malevolent pull of slick tendons had bent the monster in half.

It was reaching back to snap back and crush me with its significant power and girth.

"Through the blur of my flashing limb,* I* caught the bending midsection of the beast.* It had bent back like a maple-wood* bow. Some malevolent pull of slick tendons had bent the monster in half. It was reaching back to snap back and crush me with its significant power and girth."

The shiny helmet whipped down with impossible speed. i stretch out my arms in a useless attempt tp hold back the impending bone crushing blow i was about to receive. '' i wouldnt even be able to get my arms around it. like those redwood trees that grow on the west coast''

Its crazy. When you feel you are about to die all i could think was an inner monologue... This phrase echoed at great pentameter and intensity in my head such as the mantra of a speeding comet. Time froze....

"The shiny helmet whipped down with impossible speed. I* stretched* out my arms in a useless attempt to* hold back the impending,* bone-crushing* blow I* was about to receive. I* wouldn't even be able to get my arms around it like those redwood trees that grow on the west coast.* It's crazy. When you feel like* you are about to die, all you* can think about is* inner monologue... This phrase echoed at great pentameter and intensity in my head,* such as the the mantra of a speeding comet. Time froze..."


[quote]

whoa art what

BBS Signature