Old Wesst (Bbs Story)

[Grind]

I decided to write a story as I've done before, now instead of War, old west. If ya want a part in it and I have room drop me a PM and if I dont get one I'll just add people to fit the slots.

Also feel free to drop a comment and what you thought of it, good comments bad comments (with criticism) are all welcome.

Chapter 1

In the year 1869 in the old west there was a town that went by the name of newgrounds and just down south of them was a place called ebaums and these two towns feuded and feuded all the time. Not as much as newgrounds fought with themselves thou, they did have a sheriff keeping it all together. Bazi was the name and keeping order in this outlaw town was the game, he hated his job but did it because he new he was the only one who could do it.

It all starts when Bazi was sitting in his office sipping on a cup a coffee, which he added his own secret ingredient, whiskey.
“Sheriff!” yelled ZeroAsALimit (Now know as Zaal) as he burst through the door in a sweaty panic. “Now Zaal what’s going, not making enough money in your saloon” smirked Bazi as he sipped his coffee.
“No, Zack came to town and is shooting the place up with his gang of outlaws and they’ve took Lagatag captive”
Bazi spits out his coffee and jumps up and runs past Zaal knocking him to the ground “Stay here I’ll be back” Bazi says

If I haven’t told that kid enough stay out of that damn saloon, I promised ma and pa that I would keep him safe. Ma, Pa I miss you two, but why couldn’t you two teach that kid to think for himself and try to stay out of trouble.

*Bang* a bullet flies by Bazi’s head, he pulls out his revolvers and jumps through the doors of the saloon. “Now were is Lagatag!?!” yelled Bazi pointing his pistols at random people. “Heh to late they already left and we got a nice little grave set up for you out in back” Chuckled a one of the outlaws. Bazi steers at the three outlaws standing next to each other in front of a table with a lantern on it. Seeing his chance he jumps to the right shooting one bullet directly at the lantern causing it to explode and make the outlaws go flying in the air.

“Ugghh ow” groans the outlaws, Bazi comes out of the smoke and steps on the outlaw’s throat and shoves his pistol up his nose till it hit a bone “ooh a bone, I wonder if I’ll hit your brain if I push any harder” says Bazi as he steers in the outlaws bleeding eyes. “Well!” Yells Bazi pushing a little harder on the gun. “Ughh, you didn’t ask anything…” muttered the outlaw.
“Oh, Where is Zack and where did he take Lagatag!?”
“They went to Ralfie Cave, just north”
Bazi pulls the gun out of his nose, “Alright, now get out of this town or I’ll have you kill you” offers Bazi

Bazi leaves the saloon meeting Zaal outside, “So how did it go?” asked Zaal
“As good as it gets, I’m taking your horse and also the outlaws are in there do what you will with them”
“Oh I will” says Zaal walking inside *Bang* *Bang* the sound of gunfire is the only thing Bazi can hear as he rides out north to the cave, with only one thing on his mind and that’s killing Zack for touching his brother.

God damn it were the fuck is the cave, every damn second longer is another bullet I’m going to put in Zack’s head.

Bazi rides around a mountain looking for the cave that they are holding up in, until he sees it, across the plain field in another mountain. “Damn wrong mountain” he rides over across the field with his eyes locked on the cave. He rides up outside the cave and yells inside at the top of his lungs “ZACK! Get out here!”.
“ok, ok what do ya’ll want” says Zack with a cool face
“Give back Lagatag or prepare to die”
“Do you know who I am I’m Zack, many have tried to take me out, and I guess as you can see all have failed, what make you think you’ll win?”
“What makes you think I’ll lose?”
“Nothing but enough talking, I challenge you to a duel”

“Just my thoughts exactly” Bazi jumps of his horse and walks out in the plains keeping a eye on the treacherous Zack to make sure he didn’t pull anything tricky. They stand ten feet away from each other with there pistols holstered but ready to pull. “Draw when the sun hits the ridge. Steering each other in the eyes not blinking for a second, waiting for the sun the to hit the ridge.

5
4
3
2
*Bang* *Thud* Zack falls to the ground, in a puddle of his own blood with out the chance to even pull his gun out of his holster.

[hijackreaper]

the war story was awesome, this is the best. i like it.

[AlphaCentauri]

It's pretty good, I like old west stuff, but this Bazi seems a little too beastly. Takes out 3 outlaws no problem, shoots a guy in a duel before he can even grab his gun, maybe if he was having more of a struggle it would me more intense.

[Trick]

It needs to take like a team to take down the Bazi, I really enjoyed reading this story. Make more chapters!

[Grind]

Chapter 2

Bazi stood there in astonishment, he looked at his waste and saw that he did not pull his gun out either. There must have been a third shooter, he looked around at the land in a frantic trying to see someone. Who ever did it must have been an expert shot, Bazi ignores it and walks to the corpses and takes Zack's pistols as evidence of his death and walks in the cave.

“Lagatag!” He yelled, Bazi climbed up a rock in the cave seeing nothing but stalactites and stalagmites. He wonders around the cave, there was only one big room in the cave so it shouldn’t be that hard to find someone, but it was to dark to see.

*Thud* “Ow” Bazi yells as he tripped up over something, he got up and wiped himself down and turned around. “Lagatag!” he screeched, Lagatag was on the ground tied up, knocked out, Zack had knocked him out so he wouldn’t make a noise.

Bazi picks him up over his shoulder and brings him outside and flings him onto the horse, “Comon your ok now”. Bazi kicks the horse and ride back to newgrounds, hoping that this wont happen again. Bazi stops the horse in front of the sheriffs office and carries Lagatag inside and lays him down in a heap of hay in one of the cells “There ya go, that’ll be good for now until you wake up” Bazi muttered to himself.

He walked back over to his desk and pored a cup of coffee and add a little bit of whiskey, he then leaned back in his chair and tried to nod off. “Sheriff!” yelled Zaal once again startling Bazi and making him fall backwards in his chair and on to the ground. Zaal leaned over the desk to see if the sheriff was ok, but to welcomed with a barrel staring at him. “What now?” Bazi asked in a demeaning voice.
“One shot Centauri just came into town”
“Why should I care” replied Bazi with a twitch in his eye.
“Thought you would like to know…” Zaal said nervously, Bazi stared at him till he left the building.

AlphaCentauri walked in to the town of newgrounds where everyone looked and knew who he was. Centauri was a famous gunslinger who put in shows and has killed hundreds of people. Following Centauri was his right hand man Trick, now trick wasn’t the best shooter but he had his own plusses.

Centauri walked into the saloon were he was greeted fairly quickly with gawking eyes, wanting to see him pull off a trick. “Give me a shot a whiskey” Centauri said to the barkeep. He takes the shot that the barkeep passed him a takes it quick and then. *Smack* someone comes up and pops Centauri in the back of the head, smacking his face into the bar. ‘Fuck! Who did that” Yelled Centauri trying to peel his face off the bar.

“Me HiniberusDelius, you killed my brother and I’m going to kill you, you lily livered bitch” He said a deep devilish voice. “Fuck you” yelled Centauri spinning around and smoking Hiniberus in the jaw making him fly and land on a poker table. “Hey!” yelled the poker players as they jumped up, “Bar fight!” Trick yelled as he slugged someone in the face. Hiniberus jumped up and jumped on Centauri’s back and started punching him in the side of the head.

The bar became a war zone of people in a drunken fury beating each other senseless, “Second bar fight this week, what are we going to do” Zaal muttered to himself as he looked down from the second story balcony. “Maybe I should move to Ebaums, heard the only crime there is people stealing things”. Zaal sees someone grab a whiskey bottle “No leave my drinks out of it!” He yelled, but it was to late, the man flicked the bottle across the room and it broke on the back of Hiniberus’s head.

Centauri called out “Comon Trick lets get out of here” Trick jumped up out of a pile of bodies on the ground soaking in a pool if blood, piss and whiskey. Centauri and Trick walked out and looked back at the saloon. You could hear the noise for miles away, the sound of bones cracking, bottles smashing and tables getting broken. “What a waste of strength, they should do something constructive, instead of getting into fights” Trick commented

*Smash* A window broke on the second floor and they looked up “Aggghh!” Screamed a man flying out the window “Shiii…” *Thud* the man that got flicked out of the window fell flat on Trick.
“Hey your One Shot Centauri” Slurred the man
“Yup, you going to be alright Trick?” Asked Centauri
“ugghhh…” muttered Trick
“Alright then I’m going to find a hotel”

Centauri walks off and sees a hotel just across the street, “Ooh how convenient” he walks in and greets the man and pays for a room. Centauri walks up to his room and looks out the window and calls out to Trick “Goodnight Trick” and then falls to sleep in his bed.
“Ughhh” groans Trick.

[HiniberusDelius]

A bottle to my head? That's an owchies. Good story anywho, wish I could continue being in it for a while.

[Sarai]

A good attempt at a story. Nice lengthy chapters with a condensed writing style. If you have spaces you're more than welcome to use me :0

x

[AlphaCentauri]

So far I'm loving it, mainly cause my character is a bad ass.

But also its a good story make more now.

[Grind]

At 7/8/07 05:01 PM, Sarai wrote: A good attempt at a story. Nice lengthy chapters with a condensed writing style. If you have spaces you're more than welcome to use me :0

Thanks, I got a place for you.

And also if anyone wants to be init PM me, I happen to have alot of parts because its kinda a open ended story so PM me to get in.

Chapter 3

Centauri woke up the next morning, rested and ready for the next day. He got up and got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast, “Breakfast is served over there” Pointed the in keeper, “Thanks” replied Centauri. He walked into the room and was welcome by Trick “Aw your awake Centauri, have a nice rest? Because I didn’t I was stuck outside with that guy on top of me all night” scolded trick

“Ya well your ok now, lets finish breakfast and head out to do what ever” Centauri bited into a bit of sausage.
“Aw there’s actually a duel scheduled today between Sarai and Metaldart at high noon, supposedly Metaldart stole Sarai’s horse but they’ve decided one of them needs to die”
“Well this is going to be fun”

Centauri and Tricked finished breakfast and headed outside and Sarai and Metaldart were already in each others face yelling some kind of blabber. “I guess the duels going to be earlier then expected” Commented Trick.

“Ok the duel will start in five minutes at the strike of 11 since these two cant wait” called out Bazi trying to keep order. All the people on the street walked off onto the board walk, leaving only two on the street. “Alright ten feet away from each other, and when the clock tower hits 11 draw your pistols and fire” directed Bazi
“Ok” said Metaldart
“Sure” said Sarai

5
4
3
2
1
They each draw their pistols and simultaneously fire at the same time, Sarai’s bullet flys low and pierces Metaldart’s kneecap breaking bones and causing him to fall on his face and drop his gun in the mud. Metaldart’s bullet went high and only nipped the top of Sarai’s right shoulder. ‘God damn it! That stung” yelled Sarai.

Sarai got herself back together and walked over to were Metaldart was lying in the mud holding his knee in the fetal position. “Guess I win… but I’ll let ya live for today” said Sarai, she then kicked him in the stomach and walked off.

Everyone cheered for the winner and then soon forgot that a duel ever happened and went back to there business. Some people come by and pick up and bring Metaldart to the doctor, luckily there was one in the town.

“Ok we took in a duel, what else is there to do here?” Asked Centauri
“There’s probably a poker shack somewhere here” replied Trick
“Great lets go” Centauri and Trick started walking down the path, taking in all the culture of town. People selling newgrounds gold, Hookers, Fulp brother hair was being sold by a lot of people surprisingly they were all different colours. “Agghh” yelled a man as he was flung off a building. “This town really do get in a lot of fights” mentioned Centauri, Trick kept walking and nodded his head.

“Heres a poker place, Teh Acez” Said Trick, “Sounds legit” the two walked in and sat at a table, “Why hello Centauri” said Hiniberus who was sitting across the table from Centauri. “I’m just here to play poker I don’t want any trouble” said Centauri calmly, but he had a churning in his gut knowing something bad is going to happen. “Ok, ok lets play” replied Hiniberus.

The dealer grabbed a deck of cards and passed everyone some cards, they all stared at each other with there poker face trying not to give away there cards.
“I’ll place a 10$ bet” said Hiniberus
“I’ll match your 10 and raise you 20” replied Centauri

“Ok everyone ready” the dealer flips the cards and Hiniberus wins the first hand.

One hour later…

“Looks like your out of money Centauri, what are ya going to do now but fold” chuckled Hiniberus. Centauri reached to his sides and places his gun on the table, “Will ya take this as payment?”
“Oh I can’t take these… but I will” Hiniberus shows his hand pair of aces.

“May lose your guns there Centauri” Commented Bazi, as he strolled in the room. “Why if it isn’t Bazi I haven’t seen you since we were in Dodge, let me finish this game and I’ll talk to ya then. Flush I win” Centauri takes his guns and money and walks out the door with Bazi. “To bad Hiniberus maybe you’ll get his guns next time” Said Trick, he then stood up and left the poker shack and followed Centauri and Bazi.

“Fuck” muttered Hiniberus, he then got up and went out the back door.

[Grind]

At 7/8/07 11:03 PM, w00pa wrote: ehhreherrherererherhre U r pretty gay i had to make a new account just ta tell ye that

I'll take that into deep consideration.

[Rague]

At 7/8/07 11:20 PM, M-to-the-C wrote:

At 7/8/07 11:03 PM, w00pa wrote: ehhreherrherererherhre U r pretty gay i had to make a new account just ta tell ye that

I'll take that into deep consideration.

( Insert Witty Add-In )
Anyways, excluding that Firefighter Story some while back this is original.

Can I be in?

[condawg]

=o
That was great, man!
Can I be in the next installment?

[Winned]

It's good but the shootings could be better.

[killerjeff]

wow your story rocks. my story got deleted
can i be in it?

[Number-One-Assassin]

Good Story. Check your inbox.

[Crue]

I like this story, yet another new thing to come up in some of NG's great literature.

[Lebastic]

Three very nice chapters you got there MC. A part would be appreciated ;)
A little thing I noticed, you manage it good, but it still shows some places : Repetitions. alot of the names come back alot in a short amount of time. But you're doing great apart from that. Best thing I've seen you write yet. Keep up the good work ;)

[Sarai]

I am on a story review rampage at the moment. This was good, but I think I need to understand the plot a bit more. A tale of just general life is good but where are we heading? What's the purpose to... existence... in the Wild Wild West (WWW).

Keep it up. Will bookmark and try and comment as new chapters are posted.

[Grind]

At 7/9/07 03:32 PM, Sarai wrote: What's the purpose to... existence... in the Wild Wild West (WWW).

You'll see where its all leading in the next chapter.

Chapter 4

"Well I havent seen you, were have you been?" Asked Bazi walking outside and up the road.
"I've been doing gunslinger shows making a little scratch, people see me and they tend to give me free stuff so I dont pay that often" replied They both chuckled "What have you been up to Bazi?"
"I've been the sheriff here it pays well and I can keep in touch with the people"
"Centauri look out!" Yelled Trick

Centauri turned around and saw Hiniberus coming at him on horse back "One Shot eh? lets see how many shots it takes to kill you" Hiniberus yelled. Hiniberus rode up by him and pointed his pistol at Centauri pointblank in the chest and fired. "Ha, thats for my brother" Boasted Hiniberus

Centauri fell to the ground "Get back here" Bazi screamed "Trick follow him, I'm going to take him to Doc Crue, he maybe able to save him" said Bazi. "Ok" replied Trick as he jumped on a horse and rode off chasing Hiniberus not letting him leave his sight in fear that he may lose him. Bazi picked up Centauri struggling to hold him up until someone came and grabbed Centauris legs and helped carry him. They lugged him down the road "Out of the way, hurry up" Bazi yelled while trying to keep from crying.

They reached the door, and Bazi banged on the door, "Doc! Cure! open up hurry!" he yelled as he kept banging on the door "Open the door!". The door opened up "Ok what do you want" Crue said with rage. The two brought the body in and dropped in on one of Crue's many beds "Doc he was shot in the chest at point blank" Bazi said

"Alright get off him, I'll have to go into drastic surgery theres a low chance he'll live, but if it didn't hit anything important, pass me that box over" Crue said in a hurry, Bazi grabbed the box and gave it to Crue. "Ok, now get out of here, you'll only make it worse" Bazi and the other man left, but Bazi sat outside waiting for the doc to finish.

Crue pored some whiskey on the hole the bullet had made, "Ok, I'm, going to have to take that bullet out of you, take a swig and bite on this piece of wood" Crue gives Centauri a swig of whiskey and pores a little more on his wound and then grabs a block of wood and puts it in Centauris mouth "Bite" Crue yells "I'm going in and its going to hurt".

Crue takes tweesors and a small thin rod, he shoves the rod in the wound and roots around with his head pressed against his chest to try and hear the ding of the rod hit againts the bullets. "AGGGHHH!" Centauri yells, "Shut up this might save your life" replies Crue "Just keep biting on the wood", Crue spins the rod around a bit more *Ding* "Ah ha, there we go" Crue lets go of the rod and pushes the tweesors in and grabs hold of the bullet "Lets hope its not lodged in anything" Crue then pulls the bullet a little bit and at that very second Centauri screeches.

Bazi opens the door in a rush and barges in "Whats going on!" Bazi yells, "Get out were almost done" Crues says. Bazi slowely walks out the door leaving, "Ok, Centauri get ready" Crues says, he then puts his hand on Centauri's chest and he then tugs the tweesors hauling the bullet out. "AGGHHH!" Centauri yells in the background as Crue looks the bullet over.

"Good no flesh came off" Crue drops the bullet on the ground and grabs a few herbs that were in a jar. He then crushes the herbs into dust in a bowl, then dribbles them on the wound. "Now I'll put some bandages on" Crue grabs a roll if bandages and wraps them around his body and ties them up. "Alright, now we see if your body will fight off any infection, get some rest" Crue directed.

Crue then walked out the door, and Bazi jumped to his feet "Is he alright?" Bazi asked.
"Yea I've done everything I can do, lets hope his body can fight off any infection"
"Good, I come back later, I'm just waiting for Trick to come back" Bazi gets up and heads to his office.

Bazi walks in and looks in the cell were he had dropped Lagatag off, he was still asleep probably still recovering from that knock on the head. "Were going to have to do something with you Lagatag, so wake up!" Screeched Bazi flicking a pebble at him. Lagatag only flips over and dosant really do anything. "Lazy sack of crap" Bazi mutters to himself.

The door swings open and Trick comes in, "I followed Hiniberus and I know were hes holding up" Trick said,
"Ok, lets go get him" Replied Bazi
"Ughhh yea theres a problem with that"
"Why were is he?"
"I best show you come on"

The two leave the sheriff's office and jump on two horses and they ride down south, "So were are we headed?" asked Bazi. "You'll see, just up this ridge" replied Trick. They rode up the ridge and stopped Trick pointed, Bazi looked at it and said "Oh Shit" Concernedly.

[Grind]

At 7/9/07 12:11 AM, Winned wrote: It's good but the shootings could be better.

Yeah, I dont really know how I could make them a little more interesting. But anyways.

Chapter 5
Part 1

"Ebaums" Bazi said,
"Yup he went and hit in ebaums and I know how to get him out" Said a strange voice coming from behind them. The two turned around saw a dusty man with a scarf around his face probably stopping the sand that blows around in the wind. "Who are you" Trick said.
"I'm Lebastic, and I know how to get Hiniberus back" Lebastic said
"And how might that me" Replied Bazi with dought in his voice
"Well I'm going to go in there and pretend to be a one of them and I'll get Hiniberus kicked out of town and I'll drag him to newgrounds"
"And what do you want out of this?" Asked Bazi
"Just a little money, a bounty"
"Alright the town will give you something, but you gotta be back by tomorrow at noon" Bazi demanded, he then rode off with Trick back to town.

Lebastic kicks his horse and rides down to ebaums, he jumps off his horse and tries to blend in but as he looks at everyone he can tell in wont be easy. Everyone here was ugly as fuck and had disfigurements, but he just kept walking to were he thought Hiniberus would probably be in the saloon drinking. Lebastic walked towards the saloon until someone jumed up in his face, "Who the hell are you" The man slurred at Lebastic, Lebastic pushed him out of his way not saying a word because he didn't want them to be able to tell he was from newgrounds. The man tripped up in his own feet and fell into a big pile of mud.

Lebastic opened up the door and walked into the saloon were he instantly got the look of about 50 pasty faced wimps staring at him, he walked to the bar and asked for a shot of whiskey, "Have you seen a man that goes by the name of Hiniberus?" Lebastic asked. "Hiniberus, yes hes here, oh he just left you if you hurry you can catch him" The barkeep answer pointing to the door. "Thanks" Lebastic replied dropping a few coins of the table and quickly taking the shot of whiskey and flicking the glass at the barkeep.

Lebastic burst out the door and saw Hiniberus riding down the rode in a fury, "Shit" Lebastic jumped on his horse and started chasing Hiniberus through out the town knocking people over and tearing down tents. "Hiniberus! give up and come with me!" Lebastic yelled pulling out his gun and aiming it at Hiniberus. Hiniberus rode into a small back alley hoping to lose Lebastic, but failed his horse trampled people down and destroyed everything in the back alley. Hiniberus rode out of town and decided to finish this on Deadmans Bridge, he knew if he went on that he would have a better chance of surviving. Deadmans Bridge was a thing small rock that shot out over a gapping chasm with a oftenly used train track beneath it, it is were many outlaws were able to lose pursuers as people are afraid to go fast over the bridge in fear of falling off, but Hiniberus had a different thought in his mind, he was going to make Lebastic fall off the bridge.

Deadmans Bridge was 10 miles away so Hiniberus's horse may not last that long, but he could only hope the horse will last. *Bang* a bullet flew by Hiniberus's head "Uh oh" he thought he then started to take turns around the ridges in the land in hope that Lebastic will not be able to hit him. As every second went by they were getting closer to there deaths, Hiniberus knew that one of them will die but Lebastic was to concerned on trying to capture Hiniberus before noon tommorow. They were almost there, Hiniberus was starting to sweat and get scared, he turned around and pulled out his gun and fired back at Lebastic only to notice that Lebastic had his gun pointed at him firing back. Hiniberus ducked down on his horse and with a flook shot one of his bullets flew and went directly into Lebastic's gun barrel braking. "Fuck" Lebastic yelled dropping his gun on the ground.

Hiniberus saw Deadmans bridge coming up so he kicks his horse a couple of times to get it to move faster, he was almost there, except Lebastic was still coming up behind him. Hiniberus stared rideing across the bridge, but when he hit the middle of the bridge his horse kick upwards causing him to fall off and land on the ground. Lebastic saw this and jumped off his horse and ran across the bridge towards him. Hiniberus got up and was grabbed by Lebastic and punched him in the face a couple of times. Hiniberus pushed him off and gave him a right to the face and left to the stomach, Lebastic came up and uppercut him in the chin, but before he could get in another hit Hiniberus went down forward and football tackled Lebastic and lifted him up onto his shoulder and flicked him of the bridge.

"HA!" Hiniberus yelled in victory but suddenly was grabbed by the ankle and was pulled down off the bridge and soon the two were face to face punching and beating at eachother until they realized that they were falling.

[Bigbaddragon]

At 7/8/07 01:22 AM, hijackreaper wrote: the war story was awesome, this is the best. i like it.

Ya i like war stories.

[KingRugger]

Your writing is awesome. You do the action sequences really well, i tend to struggle with that. Feel free to use me man, it'd be groovy ;)

[Grind]

At 7/10/07 03:54 PM, KingRugger wrote: Your writing is awesome. You do the action sequences really well, i tend to struggle with that. Feel free to use me man, it'd be groovy ;)

Thanks, I like doing action scenes but I find that I kind of get into a repetition with the name when I do them.

[KingRugger]

At 7/10/07 04:10 PM, M-to-the-C wrote:

At 7/10/07 03:54 PM, KingRugger wrote: Your writing is awesome. You do the action sequences really well, i tend to struggle with that. Feel free to use me man, it'd be groovy ;)

Thanks, I like doing action scenes but I find that I kind of get into a repetition with the name when I do them.

You seem to carry it off well though. Yours doesn't feel like its repitive, maybe its just an authors thing. It is one of the most difficult things to carry off when writing, but as I've said, you execute it with charasmatic flare :)

[Sarai]

This was a good continuation of the previous chapters. Quite a lot of action which I think reads the audience generally quite well. Well done

[Snype]

Nice series you got here. We don't get too many Old West themed stories here.

[DanTroop]

this is tha worst fuckin st0ry i eva read mayun sorrrry budddd :yowza:

[Doom-Fan]

I skimmed through it, looking for my name. Didn't find it. But still read it.

Good story!

[Grind]

At 7/11/07 12:17 AM, Snype wrote: Nice series you got here. We don't get too many Old West themed stories here.

Thanks thats what I was aiming for

At 7/10/07 04:25 PM, KingRugger wrote:
You seem to carry it off well though. Yours doesn't feel like its repitive, maybe its just an authors thing. It is one of the most difficult things to carry off when writing, but as I've said, you execute it with charasmatic flare :)

Ya it may be an authers thing but thanks for the complament.

At 7/11/07 12:19 AM, DanTroop wrote: this is tha worst fuckin st0ry i eva read mayun sorrrry budddd :yowza:

to late someone already made and alt to try and piss me off, but thanks maybe I'll write better next time.

[DanTroop]

to late someone already made and alt to try and piss me off, but thanks maybe I'll write better next time.

this iznt an alt budd0, im just givin ya some construc[tiv critisismm:m:::

1. ther were plot holez bigger than fuckin craterz
2. your imagery was so bland that it made me look forward to l00kin at mah shit in my toilet
3. fuck you
4. your details were shitty and loaded with a weak vernaculaR
5. no forshadowing and too many unexpected plot twistzzz
6. fuck you idiot piece of shit. Here's a truth for you
7. i could build a fuckin museum with all of dem text brickz that ya posted
8. write betterrrrr