Hmm..
That wasn't half bad. It had a very salad fingers type feel to it, I think because of the backround music and the font you used. But for me, this idea seemed very cliche, not really new n fresh ideas you know? But you definitely do seem to have talent, keep at it an im sure you could submit something awesome.
Ohoh. One last thing. When you saw that guy for the first time and you said he was missing a part of his body (before you say from the inside) the blood is kind of low on his body and it seems to imply that he's missing his cock. hahahahaha. But that just might be the pervert in me :P. Keep it up~
~AnJ