“Attention museum patrons: avoid ANY and ALL contact with the ancient sarcophagus display holding Nefrumaniah. The contents being preserved contain a transformation curse; offending entities will become possessed and in a state of immobility. Nefrumaniah was a short-lived pharaoh notorious for her rampant perversions, which are likely to manifest in the person being possessed, such as a forced-open mouth.

“Due to the fact of transformation reversal destroying preserved contents, the victim is legally required to remain permanently transformed and will become private property to the company and its affiliates.”