I obviously don’t know how much of this comic reflects where you are in life now or how much it conveys your real-life experiences. So, this is just going to be a general statement to anyone who feels that way and if it applies to you then it applies as such.
The answer to self-hate is not self-love. Both are a self-obsession that ultimately leads to destruction. Because you’re right, we’re not worthy of being loved, and living your life oriented around yourself is an empty and meaningless pursuit. I’m not here to give you some cheesy speech about the human spirit or tell you to love yourself. None of that is the answer. Self-neutrality, wherein we acknowledge our strengths and work on our weaknesses, is far better than either extreme. You don’t have to be able to look in a mirror and say you love yourself, because that does not have to be true for you to start improving as a person. Fuck that. It’s okay to not love yourself.
Do not get me wrong. Just because we are not worthy of being loved, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still love others to the fullest extent. Because you’re also right about another thing. Living with self-hate means you can only hate others. When you can only see the bad qualities in yourself, then how can you be expected to see the good qualities in others? I know what it’s like to not want to be yourself. To hate how you are. Trust me, I know. I really really know. But that only makes you horribly bitter at other people and totally incapable of becoming a better version of yourself. Condemning you only to be stuck in a miserable cycle of envy and hate for as long as you hold onto it.
As such, I’m sorry, but it’s not going to be a bright nor dignified explosion if you continue down this path. If you hold onto this hatred until it kills you, it very well might. But even if it doesn’t, it will be an existence like death. One where you’re going to do something you come to horribly, horribly regret and you’ll have to live with those consequences for the rest of your death-like existence. A selfish hate cannot produce anything of beauty. Trust me on this.
So then, where does that leave us? Why should we be neutral on ourselves, and loving towards others? What gives that any meaning or priority? Well, I’m gonna state what I believe plainly, and you can take it or leave it. I believe everything I said purely because I am a Christian. No other reason. I believe I am born in sin and redeemed by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Who lived the life we all should live and died the death we all deserve, and who conquered that death for us need only we repent and believe. That is why this broke my heart to read. That is why I believe in loving others as God loves us. That is why I believe selfish hatred and selfish love are both empty pursuits. It’s not because I fancy myself to be a good person. I’m not. It’s not because of secular moralism. It’s not because of my feelings. It’s not because of any particular past experience. None of it is because of or about anything specific to me. It’s not for any other reason than I am a Christian.
If anyone wishes to engage with me on my faith. DM me. With that said. God bless you. That is all.
