SUICIDE IS THE BEST PAIN KILLER

“I see no return, I see no end and I’m too tired to keep walking in this dark tunnel, how do I end this?”
“Burning my feet walking on the hot floor, the pain is unsupportable and I can’t live another second with this pain so I pulled out a rope, tied it around my neck, found something in what I can hang on from and the pain was gone, I was gone.” Suicide is like an escape from the pain, I’ve considered committing suicide myself but I know it was just a momentary pleasure knowing that all the pain would go away but also knowing that I would hurt the people I care about the most. Some people cut themselves and I’ve been also tempted by harming myself but the reason why I don’t is that my parents might get worried, people might think I am an attention seeker or find a way to avoid me. Even though I have no friends that supported me at that time, when I talked to somebody about my problem all I heard was you’re an Idiot, get over it, attention seeker, stop being so dramatic, etc. All I wanted to hear was a “hey man, you know I’ll always be by your side, let’s go get an ice cream or something, everything’s going to be alright, trust me” Even though I don’t have a perfect life which no life is actually perfect because there will always be suffering I am grateful for the life I have because I know there are people in worst situations and besides all their suffering they are happy and want to keep living. I don’t really know why I want to end my life and feel all this pain, maybe is it because that the world isn’t the place I thought it was when I was a kid, you can’t believe everything from anyone, you can’t believe the media, the government, religion, parents or friends. Knowing the truth behind everything and can’t being able to sleep. It’s like if nothing exist but at the same time it does, don’t believe everything and question it all, using logic from what you know and making your own answer and your own path that will take you to the truth.
I can be happy one moment and then feel sad another, I can be talking about my dog but then a sudden sad or unpleasant memory comes to me but then start thinking about something disturbing, I just don’t know why I want to die but at the same time live and be someone in life, become a great artist, end my parents suffering and end the world suffering.
So now we return at the beginning of the text but I’ll end it in a different way “A rope tied around my neck, Unconscious I felt no pain, I was dead but the rope went loose and I fell on the hot floor, I felt pain, I came to life”.