Top Layer Detective Agency

We recently have been observing activities in the Top Layer. Things have been mostly fine, save for the normal greetings from “you-know-who” and various incidents from small-time crooks, but those have been dealt with accordingly thanks to the constant efforts of the Guardians.  However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some odd characters hanging around in places with less surveillance. My partner and I had a strange encounter after following some rumors describing what we assumed was a “man made of garbage”. He’s been mentioned to lurk around in alleyways and sewers and seems to move around a lot, as the reports regarding him have been just about all over, and we recently got some from even the Bottom Layer. We figured if even they and their “mayor” felt the need to mention him, he had to be someone worth looking into. We had the honor of encountering him during a patrol in the sewers. We initially didn’t make him out at first as he blended in almost seamlessly due to the color of his trench coat and his scent, but after I managed to sniff him out among the piles of shit and debris, he came out immediately after we called to him. He was an obscenely tall man, we assumed almost 7 foot, covered in some weird nappy hairs that obscured most of his face save for the mouth. He wore torn clothes and seemed to be wearing some work gloves that had a special padding on the palms to presumably help with griping. 

We questioned him of course, I mean, why wouldn’t you? We firstly asked for his name, he claimed his name was “Mortimer”...just… Mortimer. We asked for a last name, but his answers were often vague and cryptic, so we had a lapse in judgement and dropped it. We asked what he was doing in the sewers with a large bag during midnight. He quickly answered our questions, though with occasional interjections. He spoke in a hoarse…cockney…accent? Sounded like he was a resident of Britinoa though that does leave questions as to why someone like that managed to move to the Top Layer undetected. At least we assumed he was, and he claimed to be some kind of salesman, and that he was just moving” inventory”. We asked him to show us what was in the bag, and he happily emptied its contents. We were surprised to find that it wasn’t really garbage there, but actual items that seemed to be of good quality, albeit a bit weird.

We noted the contents laid before us:

45 unmarked cassette tapes 

4 books that were removed from the covers and wrapped in a plastic film

10 Michael Jackson CDs 

12 packs of gloves 

5 pairs of boxing gloves 

7 unmarked CDs 

A small jukebox 

3 bowler hats 

A bag of rubber ducks 

A velvet hairpin 

A bag of dentures that seemed to be handmade 

And 8 masks 

We were confused at first, but we both assumed he was likely a homeless man who was collecting things, though it did bring to question why a homeless person would need…any of these things. Normally when you’re homeless you take necessary items like clothes, blankets and food, but here the man seemed to be collecting objects that were almost random. Hell, some of them were carefully handmade and modified? We were initially going to let him on his way and leave him off with a warning, but then my partner took an interest in the velvet hairpin. She then mentioned that the hairpin Mr. Mortimer had looked suspiciously a lot like the one she had misplaced at a theater hall downtown. He denied this and said it was probably a coincidence, but we then asked to have the hairpin to examine it, and while reluctant to initially comply, he gave it to her. Upon closer examination, she found that it was in fact her missing hairpin. We mentioned to Mortimer that him being in possession of another one’s items is considered theft, though he claimed that he found it in a dumpster and that it was refurbished. We didn’t buy it, of course, lost or discarded he was still poking around in a place he shouldn’t have been, which brings to question the other items he had in his possession. We asked him to come down to the station with us, and he froze for a while and tried to reason. Though right as we started pressing him harder, he then blurted out “BEHIND YOU”, and we didn’t fall for his bluff, but we soon heard the sound of loud buzzing. We turned around and saw a giant swarm of flies coming towards our direction. There were so many of the things it nearly blacked out our lights, we were practically engulfed. Though, as quickly as it came, it thankfully washed over us and vanished into the darkness of the sewers. There was no sign of “Mortimer” and some of his belongings were also gone save for 2 of the books and 3 masks. The hairpin was also still being held by my partner, though doubtless to say she didn’t want much to do with it even after we got back to the station, can’t say I blame her. 

We never saw Mortimer again after that night. I and my partner both have been taking extra long showers since. I can still feel the flies clumsily bumping across my face… We’d heard about him, of course, but he seemed to steer clear of the authorities.  Not only that, but we’d even seen one of the dentures he had in his possession being worn by an old lady. So as far as we can tell, Mortimer, or whatever his name is, is mostly harmless and not worth the time to track down, at least for now. He’s a part of the ecosystem as far as we’re concerned, though I feel we should advertise some more warnings about leaving items unattended.

-Report Ends 

Report by: Wayne the Mastiff, and Shannon Seltzer

Transcribed by: Mabel Able

Belfrey Arkens

• NOT Homeless: His home is the sewers
• Sells all the useless rubbish you could ever need!
• A highly respectable businessman [No, really!]
• "Owns" a pawn shop that occasionally moves locations [Refuses to pay property taxes]
• “Are those my car keys?”

ABILITY: Belfrey's body is made of garbage, filth, and pestilence, which gives him the ability to regenerate himself as well as making him immune to most conventional forms of damage. Though despite his impeccable regeneration factor, he still feels pain and his body is susceptible to cleansers, which serve as an acid to him. His ability also allows him to commune and control most insects, small rodents, and scavenging birds like corvids, sparrows, pigeons, and gulls though some to a lesser extent