i like this. I like what you are going for. I would personally do this a bit cleaner. Your vox, i'd have a clean verb'd take and a second low effected double track. A simple kick drum would go a long way to maintaining a sense of rhythm. Try having your guitar and support at 33-50 l and r to spread the mix. There's some minor peaking on the mid low from the action on the guitar, a compressor in that lower range will help eliminate that.
What you have here is very indie, sounding like west coast post grunge and british shoe gaze. It's full of potential. I can imagine a real nice deep clean bass underpinning with a funk groove like early rhcp.
I think the key thing here is getting clean vox, a clean guitar, bass and kick as the main groove, use the fx to support rather than being the lead. Just time, rewrite and refine. there's a hit here somewhere.
Ghecko 
