We all need a little sweetness in our lives.

For the visuals, featuring a Zoya drawing by the bro @Lobsteritus!

I was 22. Bag strapped to my shoulders, I headed to Europe. I left behind my dead-end job, sweetheart, even the gang. Up to the highest peaks, one by one, conquering cities, plains, oceans.

Finally, at the summit of a mountain on my 100th day, I met him.

Solomon, the map maker. Sitting atop his great peak, scrawling routes and elevations at a level unimaginable to the layperson.

We got to chatting. I soon realized he was a fool. All of his maps were horribly incoherent, and he was possible for upwards of 10,000 hiking/boating/driving related deaths this year alone.

I was ready to go, I had much more fantastic slopes to hit.

I was about to make my exit, as he offered, nay, pleaded, for me to join him for a drink.

I, not one to be rude, politely - yet unwillingly - said, "aye."

He poured me a glass of the stuff.

Twas unlike anything I done ever done saw afore. Mouth agape, I asked, "Just what is this syrup of the gods?"

The sensation upon mine tongue was new, intensly stimulating, and dare I say, erotic.

Solomon looked at me, crooked toothed smile wide, spilling pink beverage all over his sham maps, and said:

"Crush™ Brand Cream Soda, available at your local supermarket"