Appears on the album Canvas Mind.

SONG DESCRIPTION:

Despite my turbulent start in life, and the trials and tribulations no young child should have to face; I never tried to let it reach to my passion for music, poetry, literature, history, and science. And my love for those things were just about to begin. Starting the first grade for the first time was both daunting, yet exciting. The few friends I had on my little estate were also not too far away, and attended my school, so my early years were filled with good times nestled between the rough that I had to endure at home.

Though, despite that happiness, and my brewing passion for discovery and nurturing my newfound musical abilities, I still got bullied relentlessly. I was kicked out of class several times due to snapping at them for the constant teasing, hitting, and remarks towards my body especially.

This constant prodding at my appearence, eventually got to my head when I could finally distinguish between a joke, and what wasn’t a joke. I would try to constantly hide myself in baggier clothes, became shy and reclusive, and only talked to people that were my friends, which shrunk in numbers at this point due to them joining in on the teasing.

When I got home for my first Christmas break, I remember standing in the hallway looking into my mothers big, round mirror, and prodded at myself, which then turned to pinching at parts of myself that I didnt even focus on before until this point, and hated everything about the way my skin felt in my hands for the first time in my life.

I broke down, crying hysterically in my bedroom with the door locked. I couldn’t let my mother hear me, she’s think I am being stupid, and that I wouldn’t understand what I was talking about if I told her how I was feeling. She was so caught up in this current toxic relationship with this new drummer fella’ partner of hers, and dealing with the aftermath mental issues surrounding the divorce previously, that I wouldn’t want to burden her with my struggles over things that some silly children were saying about me.

But, I did tell someone eventually. My Nonna. The most incredible woman in my entire life. Nonna was like the word of God to me as a child. Whenever I needed her, she was there. I remember that Christmas, when I sat with her ooening presents, talking to her about how I thought “ugly kids are always on the naughty list’, and how I didn’t deserve what was placed inside of my stocking from Santa, because I was ‘too ugly’ to enjoy myself. My Nonna was mortified. She sat me down on her comfy couch, gave me a cuddle, and told me these exact words:

”Sweetheart, I talked to Santa last night for you. He told me that people were picking on your body, and that you didn‘t deserve those nasty, horrible words. So he decided to gift you these very special opal bracelets.”

She gave me a box that was delicately wrapped in glittery silver wrapping paper, and I ooened it very carefully, and inside was exactly that— two sterling silver bracelets in a floral like design, with one single big oval cut fire opal in the centre of each one, they came in a set, and looked ever so precious to my little eyes that I didn’t originally want to take them out of the box. When I asked her why they were special, and if I really deserved something so fancy and precious and if they would even make me look prettier, she answered patiently with:

”When it is time for your wedding one day, and if one day I am not there to see it, I want you to wear these and think of me and my love for you in these bracelets. Because when you do, I will be right there, showing them and proving to them all just how much of a beautiful person you are, inside and out.”

She then kissed my cheek, and then said one final thing that had stuck with me for years. Not only was it quite poetic of her, especially with how she usually carries her no nonsense self. But, it vividly changed how I saw myself and others around me, and always made it a point to even be kind to those who were unkind to me about my looks:

“If I could, I would make beautiful flowers grow from your hands, one for every bad word, every tease, and every time you put yourself down for how you look, so that I could magically transform what hurts you, into something beautiful for you to appreciate that has come from your body.”

She originally wanted to give me these bracelets to me at the table when we do our cracker pulling as a surprise bonus gift, but cleverly used my moment of vulnerability to turn it into something more special and candid to make me feel better. Today, I would consider this one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever received— Kindness. Kindness when I needed it, all from the warmth and the love of a little Italian grandmother just looking out for me in the moment. Little did I know, that one day, I would be needing her more than ever, and that the road ahead was going to be one hell of a ride.

But until then, time will tell how better things will get at school. I just wished that this teasing didn’t last forever, but at least now I had my biggest supporter and best friend in the whole world— My Nonna!