Hahaha, I love the fake .mod title. Definitely got me to click on it.
You might not be very impressed with it, but It's the sort of honest expression that appeals to a listener. Also I don't think that the variable-speed arpeggio is impossible in (all) trackers. Especially since there's very sparse instrumentation alongside it (i.e. nothing that would be ruined by tempo and tickspeed manipulation).