ouch.
yeah, it needs alot of work. Alot of it blends and bleeds over onto itself. I can tell that you used the midi to re work some of this. That along with the quality is taking from your score here. The piano didn't sound very well done either.. It could use a few effects put in to maybe give it some beauty. Over all it just didn't work. Don't give up though you got a good idea!
Wyldfyre1