Guitars are nice
Some neat guitar riffs you got, but I'm having a hard time hearing the other parts. The drums (especially the bass) is really way too much in the background, and I can't really hear "keyboards" at all in the music. They all sort of just mix together in the background to form a coherent, but muddled mass of sound. I did like the lighter part from about 4:49 though - it's the first part in the music where I get some sense of clarity.
Not sure how badly your studio version turned out, but this version is really a mess - no offense to the music itself, which seems pretty solid (though I can't really make out the finer details in this mix). How did you record this?