Cool, but could use some minor improvements!
I have to admit, this version does have a slightly more "mighty" feel than the first one did, but I believe that it came along with a slight problem. It seems as though the volume of the separate instruments is slightly too high, resulting in a small amount of background buzz that escalates to it's maximum at the 1:36 section. This too high volume issue results in the loss of some sounds (most obviously: the drums and scratches), which is really unfair because they are among the sounds that are essential to giving this song it's heavy feel.
As for the melodies, I believe that the guitar at the beginning, the guitar chords later in the song and the bass throughout the song lack that muted pizzicato feeling they had in the original. That gave the whole song a real feeling of... well, determination (in the lack of a better word). As they sounded a lot more sharp and, thus, more aggressive. And hey, when making metal/industrial, aggressive can rarely be viewed as a negative thing, especially if the theme of the song is the one you defined in the comments for the first one.
About the sections: the intro was really excellent, it had a really powerful build-up feel created by the adding of sounds, one by one, which really gives out the impression of a person's growing rage. The "chorus" part (first at 1:36) was a tad too major for my taste, because it felt to me as though it took from the dark theme of the song, but I guess that's just my personal opinion. The break at 3:12 was really nice, but with a dose of the Linkin Park style that I generally dislike. However, you pulled it off quite nicely, and I believe it helped turn the song around. Also, the ending with the pick slide/flanger sound was a really nice touch, fits the song a lot better than the old-school base chord hit could ever do.
So, all in all, nice job, but there's definitely some maneuvering space here for you to use. Minor tweaking of this song may result in a truly awesome piece of work!
metallikid6 
