Herrrm... Mustn't... Let... Brain... Escape...!!
OK, well, as V-M stated, this unfortunately wasn't that great, but you don't seem to be them most experienced artist on NG; Keep trying, listen to other peoples' stuff so you can get ideas, and then expand upon them. Not more else I can say because until you mature a little more in your artistic abilities, you're not gonna get the greatest feedback. 2up :(.
Sincerely,
Actually... I gotta go run away now, my brain just gave me the finger and ran out the back door, away from my computer speakers.