Good attempt

Well, it was an alright work.
Repetitive.

That's probably the biggest flaw of this work. Although, I know that in the actual theme on the game it loops over and over again, this doesn't mean you necesarily HAVE to follow that structure. It sounds to me like you have copied and pasted the first minute of what you've made and just made it play a second time. Perhaps you should've submitted this song as a 'loop' and made the first minute or so (wherever it was when it started repeating) loop back to the start.

But that's your own choice. If, however, you do still want it to repeat the second time (nothing stopping you from doing that). It, however, would be very boring and people would stop listening to it.

Why?
It's because you have used the same instruments, same drum pattern, same melody and dynamics. So in future pieces of yours, remember to vary these things, even if it's by a little bit. It will surely make the piece much more interesting.

Lastly, you submitted this in DnB. Although, yes, you have added the DnB styled drumline to the melody. Personally, I think this fits in the "Video Game music" category a bit better. The reason? Okay, I'm no expert, but drum and bass focuses on.. well, you guessed it, drum and bass. In your piece, you have emphasized the melody(sounds like you've used some square leads or something similar?) than the drumline or bass. Have a listen to some of the popular newgrounds drum and bass artists (I always listen to ParagonX9) So just keep that in mind, people dislike going to browse a genre of music on newgrounds and finding something that doesn't really fit the genre.

So, just remember, variation in your piece is very important! I hope to be able to hear from you in the near future!! (perhaps an original?)

Thanks for reading, I hope I was helpful!

- username0hi0