Really like this song, unfortunately i couldn't hear everything because my speakers are crapping out on me. From what i could here though, you can sure as hell make music. What i suggest to give your moving top line that extra kick is to layer it on top of maybe a bass counter line or something. Never, ever, underestimate a good bassline. (if you already had some sorry, again, speakers)
PS. I knew you could make a serious song.