With a better mix

This song could be mucch more powerful with a better mix. A few tips i can give you are these: If you havent used doubled guitar tracks, that will bring out alot more power from them, record another track as close as possible to the other rythm track and pan one to the L and one to R. Make sure you dont just duplicate the one you already have.

Another thing is that the bass over-powers the guitar at the beginning, it could be either tuned down or you could tune the really low frequencies down.

Drums sound a bit weak, they probably need to have the right kind of reverb and/or be EQ'd, but it's hard to say.

Fix those things and it will be a much better piece!