Think it needs a little more.
Reading the storyline of this song, I feel as though it could be more epic. I mean, you're describing the final stage of technological evolution. I think if this were the case, the leading instrument would definitely be a choir or powerful strings, though I do get why you went with an electronic feel. The feeling I get from this song is more of one of preparation, which honestly does fit the ensuing war motif.
Simply from a musical standpoint, I just feel the song could use more substance. You obviously have talent, this song just needs something to make it standout. Nice work though.