Ooooh, reading! I just did something like this recently. :D I'm going to focus on the actual reading and not what's being said, if that's alright. I'm not as much a reviewer of stories.

The Good:
-The recording quality is wonderful. I'm somewhat jealous. What kind of noise reduction did you use?

The Not-So-Good:
-At about 0:12, I feel as if there should be a bit more of a break between the introduction and the actual beginning.
-At about 0:42-0:44, it's very indistinct and doesn't quite sound like somebody who's talking under their breath.
-The "booming" voice isn't very booming. While it does make a bit more sense for one person to be narrating it, I would have liked to hear it booming out in a more impressively egotistical voice.
-There's a bit of distortion at 2:48, then the volume decreases. It's a bit inconsistent, and should probably be levelled out.
-Your different voices are all fairly similar, it's pretty obvious that the same person is speaking. I understand that this is difficult to change though, and considering that it's still pretty good.

Overall: Even with the 5:1 ratio of not-so-good to good, this is well-read and has minimal errors. Good job!

-RRC-
-SkyeWintrest-