The bank

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The bank

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Author Comments

Two villains fresh out of the academy get sent on their first crime assignment together with a veteran handler.

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ZipZipper

2013-12-24 13:53:24

VAC 11 Judge Review:

Well, you’ve definitely got three distinct characters. The mixing with the voices needed a lot of work; very boomy and bass heavy making it unclear. As much as hacking and coughing is fun for a crazy character, the fact that it took up a majority of the script was unnecessary. As for the plot, there was barely any to move along with. The beginning was nice to set up the general pretense, but then the actual execution of the action was confusing and actually I think it was just skipped over? I think they went in and then you cut to when they got back out. You just skipped the potential you set up for the whole first half. But, I did like the sound your characters, minus the excessive cackling. They just needed more of a somewhere to exist.

ech0tan

2013-11-17 22:20:38

I liked your choice in voices, the acting, and range. Though, I really wish I could have had a better chance at enjoying what you have to offer without the sound quality getting in the way. It does sound like you cleaned it up, but not enough to keep it from being a distraction, and that's really too bad.

As I see in the comments it said that you didn't write anything and just improved. Is that right? Well unfortunately this does show. It would have been nice to have heard you put more effort into the script then, as in, writing it first. I think this could have really improved the overall presentation.

Anyway. Thank you for sharing this wish us. I hope that if you do wish to continue voice acting and share your talent with us, that you will find more dynamic and ways to do so. :)

swedishcountryboy responds:

Yeah, the whole thing takes place in a car with rain outside. So the sounds you hear are various soundfiles of a car interior with rain outside and wipers on, doors opening and closing, outside rain while the doors are open, and then some various interior sounds when they get back in to the car.

I'm realizing I should have just left them all out, since it's different hearing something you recorded yourself and listening to someone elses recording. I know what the sounds are, I know what the characters are saying and what the voices sound like. But other people will just hear a jumbled up mess. Thank you for your feedback, and yeah, I had fun, I'll be coming back for other competitions. You learn from your mistakes.

AderuMoro

2013-11-15 12:12:37

There's waaay too much static or background noise; it's overpowering the voices. I'm not sure if that's the car sound effect, but it's definitely something you want to tone down. At the beginning, making one character speak in the right speaker and having the other speak in the left is an odd choice. Might want to make them more in the middle, like one 50% to the right and the other 50% to the left.

The story is a little hard to follow, especially with John's cackling/coughing taking away focus from the ending. I don't normally have a problem with cursing, but it seems like most of his lines consist of "fuck," which comes off as lazy writing. He might as well not have said anything at all in the second half.

However, your character voices are rather differentiated, in pitch and accent, so good job on that.

Good luck in the contest :)

swedishcountryboy responds:

I had just been watching reservoir dogs and pretty much improvised the whole thing. I wouldn't call it as much lazy writing as it wasn't writing at all. But thanks for your feedback, since there's a couple of hours left I think I managed to lower the car sounds. All the static is scrubbed before mixing, so it's all sound files.