i think you have something here musically, but i found the mix to be a bit sloppy. the highs were a little too high in the mix for me and the instruments kind of mushed together at certain points. also, it sounded to me like there was a limiter squashing the dynamics, particularly noticeable when the drums came in around 0:22 seconds. atleast thats what it sounded like to me, but i dont know im not the creator :P overall i think you have some good ideas, but it could use a little bit of help in the mix to improve it to its full potential :)