That lead needs to come down a lot in terms of volume. You can hear it clipping badly. The bells have a similar problem. The mixing on the piece makes it really difficult to listen to. This is contrasted by a really drowned snare and a kick that doesn't like it was EQ'd or compressed. I think your lead instruments take up way too much of the mix and need to be turned down a lot and EQ'd moderately, while the drums need heavy equalizing and a good compression on them to make them pop. Also think about sidechaining, which you can google if you're unfamiliar with.
Regarding structure and performance, the piece gets boring quickly. You do have quite a few instruments, but they all play the same melody. The bassline is based on two notes, and is also remarkably similar to the leads. Though you build up to drops fairly well, the lack of dynamic change leading up to them takes away from their impact. These elements add up to form a piece that feels incredibly repetitive. In the future, vary your instruments throughout the song rather than throwing them all out at once, and employ a more interesting chord progression. Also, widen your range of percussion if you can, using stuff like interesting hi-hats and hits really helps bring a piece alive.
Don't be discouraged by the low rating, we all started somewhere. Music is a lot harder than anyone thinks it's going to be, and I encourage you to step up to the challenge and practice enough to make some really good stuff. I noticed you said you tried mastering without presets, which is good, and you should use the mistakes here to improve your mastering for the next song. Good luck!
MkalluxMusic 
