Shows promise

The good bits - I like your long progressions (an ability to think in phrases is always a good thing), and some of your melodies. Unfortunately, it's obvious that you're just beginning to do this, since the piece is rather simple. This isn't a bad thing, though; everyone starts somewhere.

One thing I'd definitely suggest is using better instrumental sounds. I'm not sure what you use now, but the piece sounds very harsh, and that makes it somewhat difficult to listen to or use in a flash.