just incredible. no more words need to be said-
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Author Comments
I have a whole album of these dumb songs. It's called Classic Hymns for Funerals and it's available on streaming services everywhere. You can even put these songs on your darn tootin' TikToks and what-not. Listen to it if you want to, or tell your enemies to listen to it, if you want to shock them before you launch your deadly attack. If you Spotify, click the link below and discover what my real name is in real life.
https://open.spotify.com/album/5Ii78WpM7Zaiug2LRBiODt?si=S9JnQdryS8O1nmavpz82Ow
A List of All the Terrible Things I Have Done (Only Five)
©2020 Paul "CabbageClock" Jackson
This is all the terrible things I have done
From yesterday back to the age I was one
I'm not even going to try to disguise
That I threw sand at a Korean boy's eyes
and I don't think I'll try to explain
That given the chance, I'd do it again (Fuck that guy)
His name was Jeong-Won, and he was a dick
He told the teacher and I nearly was sick
Much later on, around twenty-five
I was out walking the streets with my wife
The night was dark, the pubs were all closed
I felt my insides about to explode
I ran to the nearest tree I could find
Whipped down my trousers, exposed my backside (Shit my pants)
Evacuated the contents of my gut
Made a dirty old mess outside the scout hut
Whilst on the subject of confessing sins
I eat Fray Bentos pies straight from the tin (Less washing up)
Slapped the iPhone straight out of Sammy Grett's paw
Fed a friend a dinner I had dropped on the floor
I took a shit outside the scout hut
My damn son, this is some mighty fine song writing.
It's beautiful. I have also taken a shit outside a scout hut.
CabbageClock responds:
It's a rite of passage. Back passage.
Credits & Info
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CabbageClock 
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