I haven't heard the rest of the story, but the song does a pretty good job of communicating the image of a dystopian society. I can see the skyscrapers at night covered in smog with people gathering in an almost religious way.
I'd recommend boosting the volume with compression/limiting though so I don't have to adjust the volume for this one song and then adjust it back for other music.
Still, good job. I'd like to hear the rest of the story. :)