I wake up every morning, make my bed, clean my desk and organize all the tools then start the day. This process is crucial for me to get in a flow to create, or rather revise. I have various unfinished pieces that I am continuously uncertain of putting into existence. Today I took a look at one of my oldest drawings. It’s good yet there isn’t a part of me thinking of showing this to anyone else. As I go to touch up the shading which is fading on this piece my drawing pen breaks. I turn to the computer to see if I can order any packs of this particular pen. To my surprise they were sold out online. The only option I had was a local shop that is about a 10 minute walk from my place. I get ready to go out in the cold of the November winds. I went outside to start this journey of replacing pens. These days there’s more signs for events than ever before. Music, traditional art, digital etc. Listing all the artists featured at the event. It’s another reminder that I still have nothing to show. One day I'd like my name on one these signs
I had made it to the art shop. I walk into the shop. A room of endless isles, every type of sketchbook, canvas and anything you can think of. At the center of all was the counter with an older man who looked to be struggling to put away some artworks into cases.
“ Did you need a hand with that? “ I asked the man
“ Oh hey there, I’ll be alright, What can I help you with today” the man says as he fumbles the cases.
“Uh yeah, I am looking to get 2 packs of P.20s by Highlander, you seem to be the only place that has them.” I responded
“P.20s! Those are my favorites I’m surprised anyone still uses them they aren’t much of a big seller here” the man commented
“ By the way, my name's Clyde, and you are ?” Clyde asked
“My name’s Syll “ I replied
“ Well it’s good to meet to you Syll, would I be able to see some of your work” Clyde asked
At this point I am very private about all my art. It is all unfinished work; there's nothing to be showing or posting. In this moment though, it was different. I felt safe showing unfinished pieces to this art store worker. I remembered I had progress pictures for my own viewing when I am away from my art so I took the chance and showed the most recent version of one of my pieces.
I grabbed my phone and opened up the photo.
“Uh yeah, here.” as I showed him I was waiting for a sense of anxiety to pile up. Instead I felt a freeing feeling. I felt this as I looked up to see Clyde's reaction.
“This is incredible Syll , how much are you selling it for?” Clyde said grinning ear to ear.
“That one isn’t for sale” I responded
“oh okay, are you going to showcase it? “ Clyde continued
“it’s not finished, I don’t have plan for it yet” I said as I was getting frustrated
“so could i just get those packs of P.20s please” I asked
“Just one more question Syll” Clyde said
“How long are you going to keep your work hidden?” Clyde asked
I took a step back from the counter as if I was insulted or appalled with what he said to me but I knew he wasn’t wrong.
I reproached the counter
“ Listen, Clyde was it? I don’t know where you get off thinking you know everything about art creation, just because you’re in an art store doesn’t make you some type of Davinci, it's not as easy as you make it seem. I explained
“Haha, You’re right I am not Davinci. Heck I won’t even come close to that level. One thing I do know is regret and anxiety similar to how you feel, right? Clyde replied
I stopped again. Who is this man? Why is reading into me so deeply? I just want my goddamn pens not a reading from stranger if that’s what I wanted I would go to fortune teller not an art store
I pause, I take a deep breath.
“Clyde, Could I please just get those pens and be on my way” I said desperately
“ I won’t be selling anything to you until you release at least one piece of your artwork”.
Clyde stated
This stubborn old man won’t sell me anything now at this point I am at my limit of frustration
“ You know what, this was a waste of time I'll just wait till I can get them online” I said he paused as he glared at me he says “ well I hope you have a good day, hope to see you again soon”
“ Yeah, thanks” I replied
I made my way back home. Looking through every site that could have these pens yet still no luck. I wait weeks with no availability anywhere except Clyde's art store. I bite the bullet. The next day I make my way back to the art store .
As I open the door to the shop I hear “ Syll ! Is that really you?” Clyde exclaimed from the counter
“Yeah, hey Clyde” I said as I make my way to the counter “ listen Clyde I know you want me to put my art out, I just have no idea where to start or how” I explained
“ What is comfortable for you?” Clyde replied with a more serious look on his face then before
“Not posting it” I said quietly “ not funny, Okay how do you see some of your favorite artists work” Clyde said waiting for me to seriously answer
“ The a few online I watch, livestreams and for local I'll attend the shows” as I said that i could feel Clyde eyes widen
“Now combine those two into your own showcase!” Clyde shouted in excitement
“ wouldn’t that be just copying” I commented “ no this would be your version of what that combo means” Clyde continues
“ your version of that and someone else version will not be the same unless one of you are copying on purpose haha” Clyde said
“I guess I could try it” I said
“I'll even give you two pack of P.20s for the price of one” Clyde added
I rushed home and picked the most completed pieces I had to finish then showcase for this event. I also forgot that I don't know a thing about live streaming. I started researching all I could while working on these pieces around the clock. Until the day came.1 week after posting the event poster it was time for me to host my first showcase.
Before I knew it I was at my computer looking at the webcam then the monitor. Propping up my art pieces.
“Alright, and… we are live!”
