Needs alot more work
First off, you want to make something like that fast and simple. Now I ain't claiming to know flash, but I know Video Design and Production, and it close enough to that.
First, keep it simple, something a 56k can load within 10 minutes. Second, the flashing red and blue... might give some VA member's kid brother an epeleptic seizure if he happens to see it. Now, move a picture of a standard vehicle to fade in behind the words, change the backdrop to a battlefield or spacefield. Download fonts which make the words seem Sci-fi. Add a midi file instead of a entire song, or cut the quality of the song down. It sounded like you where still running it at 44khz. You can cut it down roughly half if you don't want a midi, and make it mono. That will shrink the size down alot. Keep things simple, and clean looking, but powerful and inspiring.