In other news: Budweiser truly is the king of beers.

Andersson wrote:
-=Mister Narrow Helmet=- (Editted by Capt*in Chu)

Mister Narrow Helmet sits, staring out with his head on a stick.
His eyes rests on the horizon. There, explosions flick.

He got the ace of spades painted at the right side
With a skull white as snow in its middle.

He got a friend sitting there by his side;
His mind is one big riddle.

He calls himself Lord Powder Wad, and grind his teeth.
He still thinks that they will be alright, there is a mighty belief.

Lord Powder Wad giggles loud and continues to his mate:
"I will have to give Mister Narrow Helmet the treatment which he hates"

So, he picks up a sharp little knife and sticks it through Mister Narrow Helmet's head.
Then turns it around and pulls it out, luckily Mister Narrow Helmet is already dead.

Lord Powder Wad licks the blade and cuts his tounge,
Then breathes, at the deepest of his lungs,

"I have to say that you didn't scream as much as last time, good boy."
He eats some of the mud around the stick holding the head and chews it with greatest joy

His thumbnails are broken, so he licks them for a while, then says:
"Give me your nails old friend, I will need them for a thing",
But, since Mister Narrow Helmet was very dead, he couldn't reveal anything.

Lord Powder Wad screams of anger but so into the bunker jumps a soldier.
The soldier seems to flee from grenades and all he can say is, "Hold me dear."

He has gone broke and meet Lord Powder Wad who choose him a new little name:
"Your eyes are blue and so are you, so I'll call you Major Ever Rain"

"I can't feel the wound I got on my leg", is the only thing Major Ever Rain tell.
"Well give a slice to me then," Lord Powder Wad did yell.

"Give it to someone who likes fresh meat, if you can't feel a thing anyway."
So he takes a bite of the weeping leg and swallows a chunk right away.

Major Ever Rain looks at Mister Narrow Helmet and points his finger through an eye.
"Take it out", Lord Powder Wad says "Yes. See take it out and eat. Don't be shy"

Major Ever Rain takes out the eye and eats it directed by Lord Powder Wad:
"Oh boy, this meal must have been the best I've ever had!"

Lord Powder Wad grins an awful smile then picks up his sharp little knife.
With the words "I wanna taste your blue eyes now!" he takes the soldier's life...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, editted. I didn't change/delte/add many words, but I added a little punctuation where needed.

:-(

I just realized that I have a writing assignment for my English class due on Monday...
It's a "stream of consciousness" writing. I don't know how the hell I'm going to start this.

Does anyone have any experience with this stream of consciousness crap?

At 2/24/06 05:56 PM, CaptinChu wrote: Andersson wrote:
-=Mister Narrow Helmet=- (Editted by Capt*in Chu)

His eyes rests on the horizon. There, explosions flick.

It must be "There explosions flick" at that place.

He got a friend sitting there by his side;
His mind is one big riddle.

He calls himself Lord Powder Wad, and grind his teeth.
He still thinks that they will be alright, there is a mighty belief.

Lord Powder Wad giggles loud and continues to his mate:
"I will have to give Mister Narrow Helmet the treatment which he hates"

So, he picks up a sharp little knife and sticks it through Mister Narrow Helmet's head.
Then turns it around and pulls it out, luckily Mister Narrow Helmet is already dead.

Hmmm, no dots. I am very strict on that. No dots, the comma after "So" keeps the pace down and constructs another sentence then the one I created, no comma either.

Lord Powder Wad licks the blade and cuts his tounge,
Then breathes, at the deepest of his lungs,

No commas.

"I have to say that you didn't scream as much as last time, good boy."

I really don't like that dot you putted in the end there. :-/

He eats some of the mud around the stick holding the head and chews it with greatest joy

His thumbnails are broken, so he licks them for a while, then says:
"Give me your nails old friend, I will need them for a thing",
But, since Mister Narrow Helmet was very dead, he couldn't reveal anything.

The comma after "But" tear the sentence apart. Nah, no comma. :-\

Lord Powder Wad screams of anger but so into the bunker jumps a soldier.

No dot.

The soldier seems to flee from grenades and all he can say is, "Hold me dear."

I don't like the dot at the end, neither the comma after "is". A semicolon or a colon could maybe be alright, but not a comma.

"I can't feel the wound I got on my leg", is the only thing Major Ever Rain tell.

Dot. :-(

"Well give a slice to me then," Lord Powder Wad did yell.

The comma after "then" looks terrible. So does the dot, but your add with "did yell" is good. =)

"Give it to someone who likes fresh meat, if you can't feel a thing anyway."
So he takes a bite of the weeping leg and swallows a chunk right away.

Heh, somehow I like the dot after "away" since it takes down the tempo a bit... just what's needed. The dot in the first of those two lines is one I don't like though...

Major Ever Rain looks at Mister Narrow Helmet and points his finger through an eye.

Sorry, but no dot there.

Ok, editted. I didn't change/delte/add many words, but I added a little punctuation where needed.

Hmmm, oh. Sorry but punctuation + poems = big no, no.

At 2/24/06 07:55 PM, Andersson wrote:

At 2/24/06 05:56 PM, CaptinChu wrote: Edit of Andersson's story

What I didn't like about your edit

Hmm, someone doesn't seem to like periods alot! Ok, but I see where you're going, what with tempo and all. Glad to be a help!

At 2/24/06 08:13 PM, CaptinChu wrote: Hmm, someone doesn't seem to like periods alot!

Haha, nah I put them where they belong after tempo of "story telling" (which that would be whoever read it, loud or not). However, a comma is a pause, so is a dot. I only put them where pauses should be made.

In poems I rather change row instead of putting out a dot.

Ok, but I see where you're going, what with tempo and all.

Ah, nice. I felt like an asshole when writing that post since you may get angry, but wah you're more mature than that I can tell. ^.^

Glad to be a help!

Yeah, it was indeed helpful even though I didn't take too many of your changes into further consideration. But any change to the better is good. =)

Thank you. :-)

Is it o.k if I join this guild? I've written poems in the past (and can do at a short notice) and written 2 BBS stories :).

At 2/25/06 05:46 AM, Lost_Chances wrote: Is it o.k if I join this guild?

Yes, ofcourse. Welcome! d^.^b

At 2/25/06 05:57 AM, Andersson wrote:

At 2/25/06 05:46 AM, Lost_Chances wrote: Is it o.k if I join this guild?

Yes, ofcourse. Welcome! d^.^b

Do you want me to post poems I've written in the past?

At 2/25/06 06:00 AM, Lost_Chances wrote: Do you want me to post poems I've written in the past?

You decide how active you want to be by yourself. Post if you'd like to, activity is always good. ;-)

These are just some poems I wrote in a BBS topic in general about a few users.

George was playing one day,
In the month of may,
He was playing with his brush,
Which he loved so much,
He then grabbed a lighter,
Which he obserbed was whiter,
He tried it out,
His parents heard a shout,
He had burnt his brush,
Which he loved just so much,
He now spends the rest of may,
Burning rats and mice all day.

Joe was a country folk
living in Canda, very broke,
He couldn't afford proper good music,
So the only music he bought was acoustic,
He then had a plan,
He sold his land,
And then sold his clothes,
Also his rings of gold,
And froze to death at night.

UKer was enjoying his pizza one night
when he suddanly had a fright,
he saw a bit of cum,
right under his bum,
He proceeded to lick it clean,

Poems was on the floor,
As ZenOfAnger was bored,
He took a piss,
A toilet he missed,
And it went all over his work,

Lagatag was walking on fine day,
When "what a bottle" he did say,
He picked it up,
He didn't think much,
And he stuck it up his butt.

Kappa was drinking one time,
Finishing a bottle of wine,
When he his mum went up stairs,
What she saw, she stared,
Kappa was raping a Pony.

Jack was drinking one night,
fapping to naked dykes.
Only caffine keeping him awake,
He decided to make,
Himself into a woman.

Noob was strolling along,
Visiting grandma for his bong,
He looked over the street,
He couldn't believe his feet,
He saw a hawt young woman,
He walked over, a smile on his face,
Her boobs, he wanted to embrace,
He asked for her name,
She said Kirty Kolain,
And admitted she was a lesbain.

BlueFlameSkulls one day was drunk,
And listening to a thing called funk,
When he lit up a cigar,
And played the guitar,
And it was the worse song ever.

-Flunker- was with his girl friend one day,
Next to her he laid,
He then grabbed a spoon,
What to do he knew,
He hit her over the head and raped her.

Steph was brushing his teeth one fine day,
When batman bursted from the shade,
He said his teeth was yellow,
And called Steph a kind fellow,
As Steph sucked on Batman's balls.

Daniel was on a holiday in egypt,
Reading a book of how to de-crypt.
The camel fell over,
Daniel fell into a coma,
With his mouth firmly around the camel's penis.

Phony was riding his Pony one day,
When a badger got in the way,
Phony screamed,
As he dropped his ice cream,
And he cried all the way to his mum's car.

At 2/25/06 06:07 AM, Lost_Chances wrote: These are just some poems I wrote in a BBS topic in general about a few users.

Hmmm, I didn't recognize many of the names... and I certainly didn't see mine, why's that? XP

Good job though. ;-)

At 2/25/06 07:27 PM, Andersson wrote: Hmmm, I didn't recognize many of the names... and I certainly didn't see mine, why's that? XP

Good job though. ;-)

For your birthday :).

Andersson was walkin' one day.
When he was about to say,
He then woke up,
He felt a sharp pain in his butt,
And relised he was still in prison.

At 2/25/06 07:34 PM, Lost_Chances wrote: For your birthday :).

Andersson was walkin' one day.
When he was about to say,
He then woke up,
He felt a sharp pain in his butt,
And relised he was still in prison.

Haha, you are crazy. :-)

Hey, does anyone here wants hid story made with clay? Here are a few samples of my work.
NG loading screen
robot
monster
gyarados

I believe I'm going to continue my Brother's Clan story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Doc 4: earth timefreeze- III test of the Gold Brother, navi monitered entry.]

The nameless boy woke up with a headache bigger than a hangover. He looked around. An irredecant glow plastered the entire city. Immidiately, he threw up what little he had in his stomach. "Sorry for lying to you, boy," said the man formerly known as Father Eric. "My name is Grandfather Ericson, keeper of time. I go undercover as a priest very often, even though I still don't quite get what I'm doing." The old, long-beareded man had a sword slung on his back. It was extremely broad.

The boy looked around. The mayor was here, too, so was Mrs. Greene, and Flamer. "My name is Tanya Bo. I'm, in all respects, mother earth. I control all life and diseases." The nameless boy was starting to get it. Flamer's position didn't make much sense, but it was probably the best he could do with the situation given to him.

"Hello-there,-child...." Hissed a slow, diliberate sound behind him. He jumped around to see a man in a tuxedo with a little pink flower above his heart. "Phew!" The boy sighed with relief. "It's the mayor. For a second, I thought I heard.-" "...DEATH? My-name-is-Grimacemoon-Repar. Don't-call-me-the-Grim-Reaper. I-don't-like-it-when-people-call-me-that..
.." <His name is Repar, not Reaper, for spelling clarification>

Automaticly, the boy turned to Flamer, the last to be introduced, and got greeted with a strong jab to the cheek. Flying into the air, much higher than someone usually would go when hit in the face, he fell to the ground wondering why gravity has been affected so. "The name's Volcano-Kid, the youngest of the five at Three-hundred years." In an effort to try and please this person, the boy said, "Wow, for Three-hundred, you don't look all that bad." Volcano-kid blushed, and tryed to hide it as best he could.

"Don't try to hide it... I know you have feelings for that boy..." A wave of water came out of nowhere, and out of it splashed a footlong, powder-blue fish. "I am the fifth of this group, my name is merely Natiqua" Out of his fish-form, she turned into an unclothed, blue humanoid. At the reaction of a nosebleed, the nameless boy was treated to more physical abuse in the form of a giant tuna.

This group of six was the Brothers Clan. [lunch break, document ended. see part two of this document from writer navi denx.]

[Supplementry Document: Navi System Explaination.]

When a person dies, their soul is recycled after 1,000 years of after-life, as explained by Grimacemoon. However, a very select few are chosen to become navis; people who keep their soul after-life till the next timeline, and sometimes longer. Navi is Hebrew for Prophet, as it was originally a system for.

There are regular navis, which are hard to become, Great navis, which is only done if you're exeptionally good with what you do, Greater Navis, which is nearly impossible to become, and Greatest Navis, who, so far, have merely one in their group for every single timeline. Of course, you need a test to see if you can become this navi type. There are multiple types of navis: Writer, Journalist, Religious, Cooking... The Almighty One is even thinking of opening up an Internet Navi group. There's a navi group for just about everything you can think of.

There's a downside to naviship, though. Good navis go to Jupiter. But if you've been exceptionally bad in your life, you go to the Eternal Darkness- a moon orbiting Grimacemoon's Death Planet- in your after-life. It's a really bright place, but that's only because of all the flames.

Non-Navis go to Grimacemoon's Death Planet, where they live another thousand years till their souls are recycled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I managed to get only two documents done this time. Please review to the five documents so far. I've already got the ending ready, and this is not a short book.

can i join?

You're on a rampage, yo.

At 2/26/06 08:31 AM, CaptinChu wrote: You're on a rampage, yo.

lol

At 2/26/06 08:34 AM, Dumbass_Dude wrote:

At 2/26/06 08:31 AM, CaptinChu wrote: You're on a rampage, yo.

lol

And that was just uncalled for. Stop being a post-count whore, it will make the world a better place.

I'm finally starting to put some decent effort into chapter 3. I should be able to post the proper version on the BBS in about 8 weeks now. I want to get it right, I feel I owe it to everyone (particularly Myst and TNT)

At 2/27/06 08:38 AM, Coop83 wrote: I'm finally starting to put some decent effort into chapter 3. I should be able to post the proper version on the BBS in about 8 weeks now. I want to get it right, I feel I owe it to everyone (particularly Myst and TNT)

What? 8 weeks for a story? I hope for you it's a long one.

At 2/24/06 10:36 AM, Dangan wrote:

damn man. you should be like a professional writer or something.

i am, look at my profile.

wow! where/who do you work for?

your comedic quotes are pretty good (in your sig, profile)

At 2/26/06 06:53 AM, KabouterJaap wrote: Hey, does anyone here wants hid story made with clay? Here are a few samples of my work.
NG loading screen
robot
monster
gyarados

can you make clay squirrels? mines at the top of the last page.

OMFG REVIEW MY STORY!

At 2/27/06 10:37 AM, KabouterJaap wrote: What? 8 weeks for a story? I hope for you it's a long one.

Not a story, a chapter. I have to shoe-horn my writing into any available free time I get, which is severely limited at the moment. Wait until you read it before you criticise, please (chapters 1 and 2 can be found at around page 20, feel free to post critique on those)

At 2/27/06 05:49 PM, Quisty wrote: For YOU

A rather morbid submission, but a good piece.

I'm very unhappy at my English teacher. She doesn't understand the way my abstract writing works, and in the end, she can't follow it. She gives me a low grade for my work because it "doesn't complete the assignment."

I'd like to get a better grade in English, but I don't want to give up my creative writing style. What can I do?

At 2/28/06 07:01 AM, CaptinChu wrote: I'd like to get a better grade in English, but I don't want to give up my creative writing style. What can I do?

You don't have to completely stifle yourself for the sake of your school work. When I was studying for my GCSEs, I had to read things like Shakespeare, Golding and Dickens. I read them and analysed them for my English work, but I still went to school every day with a copy of one discworld novel in my bag for those quiet moments (French lessons)

All you do is try a different writing style for the assignments and see how that goes. Try asking to speak to your teacher one on one to find out what she doesn't understand, so you can improve your work.

Perserverance is the key to success here.

At 2/27/06 05:46 PM, MrDeadly wrote: can you make clay squirrels? mines at the top of the last page.

OMFG REVIEW MY STORY!

It looks like a good stroy, but i don't want to make the squirrels nazis. I hate that word.

I was rumaging through old papers from 8th grade and I found what is probably the best poem I have ever written.

I sit inside and watch you glow
warm inside from the snow
I can watch you all day long
knowing I don't have to belong

There is nothing I can't invision
when I watch my television
and when the day is over and done
I won't mind watching another rerun

Its a bit geeky I know. The inspiration was a song called Radio Ga Ga, but I am no Roger Taylor. So what do you guys think?

I'll have to write something for this guild tonight.

I sit,
Right here,
All alone,
Watching you near.

I watch the bullets,
I watch them hit,
I watch you hurt,
As they blow off your bits.

End.