I am doing something special for comic relief, oh yes I am. I am writing some scripts for my own take on Litlle Britain. These will be recorded, and audio (LB was origonal on radio) and will feature my friends doing as best they can, voices of the charaters. So here's scene one:

Little Britain scripts (audio)

SCENE 1/Jeremy Rent’s office

Voice over: In theatrical agent, Jeremy Rent’s office, Dennis Waterman is going to pay a visit. I should see my agent more often. If only she wasn’t dead.

(A voice comes through the intercom)

Receptionist: (through intercom) Jeremy, there’s a Mr. Dennis Waterman here to see you.

Jeremy: Ah, good. Send him in, send him in.

(The sound of a door opening and closing)

Jeremy: Dennis, so good to see you. I hope you had a good holiday.

Dennis: It wasn’t a holiday, it was Scunthorpe .

Jeremy: Ah, I see. Well, while you were away we received many offers. And good ones they are.

Dennis: (excitedly) Really?

Jeremy: Yes Dennis. Now the best offer was for the new Lord of the Rings: The Double Deckers Film, they want you to be Golum’s mate Tony.

Dennis: So they want me to star in it, write the theme tune, sing the theme tune-

Jeremy: No Dennis, they’ll get an orchestra or something to do that.

Dennis: In a place that looks like New Zealand, doo doo doo doo, there’s a little man running about on a quest, doo doo doo doo. I’ve got a good idea, doth thou keep me near, I’ll be so good for the Orc’s of Sauron…

(Awkward silence)

Dennis: Well, if that is all, I’ll be off.

Jeremy: Bye Dennis.

Dennis: Bye.

(Sound of door opening and closing. Then the sound of a phone being picked up and then some ringing.)

Jeremy: Hello Peter, I’m glad I caught you. Dennis won’t be able to do this, he’s got a thing against wearing spandex suits with those electric things on them, so he can’t play Tony.

(Pause)

Jeremy: I’m sure I can get Angus Deayton into one of those things, for a tener...

End Scene.

Here's something I wrote when I was bored with my cousins, we ended up rapping it, and submitted it to Newgrounds. Here's the lyrics. It's kind of an inside joke. We went to another one of my cousins Hockey games, and we saw this player we ended up hating on the other team. We made fun of him every time us cousins got together after that game. Here's the song I (Matt) wrote about him...... (The chorus comes from an episode of Spongebob with the words slightly changed, and yes, 25 did have ripped pants)

Watchin a game where the score is low
Back and forth the players do go
Kids standin up, they're jumpin, chearin
Parents in the back, they're yellin, beerin
Anger is a flyin at each drop of the puck
Atleast we can all agree that 25 sucks

When 25 tried to score he got shut down
25 turned into a clown
And noone ever wants to dance
With the fool who went and, ripped his pants

Now don't be thinking I'm dissing without cause
There's a reason I'm exposing these obvious flaws
From pants to penalties to terrible play
To the Central Catholics arrogant ways
This is a lesson I'm sendin to ya'll
Your a bunch of posers pretending to ball

When 25 tried to score he got shut down
25 turned into a clown
And noone ever wants to dance
With the fool who went and, ripped his pants

At 2/19/05 05:31 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: Ive been racking my brain but ca not think of anything............the characters look liek they would work well in a comedy but I really can't think of anything funny......the only thing i cna think of is names. They look like a clive and a carl to me for some reason.

thats okay I understand, usually when I write something it ends up having comedy in it, even if I try not to. its hard coming up with a story after the characters have been created because then you have to write a specific story that fits that character. I'll think of something eventually, thanks anyway. BTW if anyone else wants to try, ur'll more than welcome.

At 2/19/05 05:38 PM, newbman wrote: Clive, I know, Clive Barker, he's an amzing author, has anyone read any of his works, or even seem any of his movies(candyman, Hellrasier series...)?

yeah I've only read one of his books Abarat it was really good, I loved the artwork in it and cannot wait to read the second one.

Well here is part 3 of my story.

The first thought had raced through Niku's mind "How did they find me? I had kept this low profile." Niku watched a huge police team step out from behind the statue, with their elven leader Kido.
Kido was th most powerful person on the police force, he was known for his sword that could send out fatal bolts. Kido had been a pain in Niku's ass for awhile now.
"Kido so we meet again, I wish we could talk, but I'm in a rush to become all powerful" Niku said.
"Save it" Kido replied "You know why we're here, I would read your rap sheet, but as you said you're in a hurry."
"Then lets make this quick" Niku said opening his wings preparing to summon the demon inside him. But before he could to darts hit his wings and shocked them. His wings fell limp to his sides, parylized.
"You fuckers" Niku yelled at the top of his lungs in anger. He took great pride in his wings and they sullied them. He would now have to dispose of them the old fashioned way.
"Surround him!" Kido commanded taking his post at the top of the stairs.
As the polive surronded him a fire formed in Niku's hands, "This is going to be fun" Niku said.
A soider jumped at him and in mid air Niku threw his fireball. The soider was disintergrated instantly. The rest of the group charged at Niku, but met the same fate as the first soider. When Niku was sure the soiders were ash he turned to Kido and the eleves by his side.
Niku raised his hand and fired a barrage of fireballs at Kido. There was a blast of smoke, Niku couldn't see a thing. As the smoke cleared Niku saw Kido and the soiders emerge from Kido's cape, an elven cloak, immune to goblin spells.
"Leave him to me" Kido said, unsheathing his infamous sword and removing his cloak.
"And I though this would be simple" Niku said, unshething his father's sword.
Kido charged at him, but Niku deflected him. Kido backed up and his sword started to glow blue. As Kido swung his sword a wave of bolts went flying at Niku. Niku swung his sword sending out a blast of dark energy. The blasts met half way cancelling each other out.
Kido charged for a secondary attack, Niku ran to meet him. The two sword clashed meetinging each other in a deadlock. The two pushed away, Niku span around going for Kido's right torso but Kido raised his sword and blocked. Kido swung his blade forward going for Niku's head, but Niku pulled out in time. Kido raised his sword and met Niku's sword. Niku pushed back, Kido stumbled, and Niku went for a quick stab. Kido swung his sword, knocking Niku's out of his hands. The elf tried to stab Niku, but Niku cartwheeled out of the way, and ran for his sword, Kido ran after him.
Niku grabbed his sword and raised it up as Kido's came down. Niku had had enough; Niku brought his legs around Kido's ankles and pushed. Kido fell on his back, defensless. Niku brought his blade down for the kill, but Kido back flipped off the ground kicking Niku in the face. Kido landed on his feet and before Niku could counter Kido jabbed the tip of his sword into Niku's stomach. The sword glowed blue and a surge of electricity shot through Niku's body.
Niku fell limp, parylized but still conscious. Kido and the two soieders put him in a net and began dragging him away.
"A fine retirement memento" Kido mocked.
Niku watched helplessly as he was dragged away and saw the light on the door fade. He had failed.

ok doeky. I deiced to have a little bit of fun whislt I was plannign out my stor for the cult thingy with the cop. And I ended up writing this as a way to kind of get the writing itch out of me. No where near finished but just the first part. Some what inspired by Terry Pratchett so take a gander and read.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------
A tale of Valour, Courage and Downright stupidity

The smoke soared out of the broken window as the remains of what was once the alchemy lab lay smouldering in a pile of debris.
A figure started to emerge from the rubble and stumbled through the wall of smoke in front of him.
His pointed hat had flopped over to the side in the explosion and is ruby red robes were now a delicate shade of black.
The figure moved forwards through the room slowly picking up pieces of debris that littered the floor and either placing them in some sort of orderly fashion or throwing them into a corner to be dealt with later.
His soot covered facial muscles contorted as he looked at the destruction in front of him.
His voice echoed throughout the ruins as he spoke the person responsible for the destruction of the laboratory.
“I swear to god Tarquin! If I catch you I’ll have Silmarin peck out your eyes!”
He moved further into the ruins and picked up a large piece of wood and held it in his hands. His vibrant eyes showed great sorrow as he beheld what was once his most prized possession.
“I……..I can’t believe it………” his voice showed signs of great sadness as he spoke “ My best chemical cabinet……….ruined………..my mother gave me that for my 119th birthday……….and now its been destroyed……..all because of that blasted idiot of a half elf!”
He threw the piece of wood into a corner and fell upon his knees and wept for his loss.
Now is a good time to indicate that the person responsible for the most heinous crime of destroying Professor Stones chemical cabinet was, at this point in time running as fast as his legs could carry him. But he was not running in any direction. No his mind was very much focused on running in one direction, the direction, in which the exit to the academy lay was his destination and by the God of nothing he would get there without being caught!
Well……that was his plan….but it didn’t go exactly to plan.
You see as Tarquin was running through the twisting corridors that led towards the grand hall where the exit lay, he failed to notice that coming out of a side room was the large bulk of a man that was the academy task master.
In most situations it would be extraordinarily hard to miss the Taskmaster but despite him being over six feet tall, being built like a brick and having a long flowing matt of bright red hair Tarquin failed to spot the giant of a man and ended up crashing straight into his finely toned and muscled body.
The laws of physics dictate that when an object moves with a velocity, and ends up stopping suddenly due to circumstances not under its control, it will rebound off the opposing that caused it to suddenly stop and end up either falling over or bouncing off the interfering force and walking straight into a wall.
The latter is what happened to Tarquin but in years to come he wouldn’t blame the taskmaster for the nasty bump he would soon have on his head. He would in fact blame the spirits that live within the walls
It is a common misconception that walls are inanimate objects and posses no form of intelligence. This is, in fact, not true as within walls there live spirits that are incredibly smart. Their intelligence is so high that they have developed a form of telekinesis that is responsible for paintings and pictures, which were perfectly straight the night before, suddenly becoming rather crooked when the owner gets up in the morning.
This telekinetic power also has one other use. Wall spirits, from this point onwards know known as walls, are incredibly touchy creatures and when you bump into their homes they take great offence and use their powers to push you away and, in some cases, make you fall on your posterior.
When Tarquin bumped into the wall in the corridor of the academy after running into the taskmaster he ended up crashing into he nearby wall and the wall took great offence and decided to use its powers to push Tarquin away.
As Tarquin was somewhat off balance already this psychic shove was enough to tip him off balance completely and he fell flat on his face.
This doesn’t sound so bad but the fact that there was statue of the great barbarian Baniyan the brave in his path of descent onto the floor made the outcome of his collision with the taskmaster and the wall somewhat worse.
As he fell his head caught the edge of Baniyan’s marble shield and created a large lump that was approximately the size of an orange………and a large one at that.
Tarquin let out a wail of distress as he lay their on the ground with a lump the size of a tomato on the side of his head.

At 2/23/05 01:35 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: I am absolutly knackered. school is evil I want a snow day tommorow so badly :'-( im to tired to write at the moment even though I was gonna try and do a proper version of my openeing to my cult story thing.

So it's YOUR fault I had to scrape all the snow off my car this morning? It didn't stick, so driving was easy, plus the roads were less congested than normal.

At 2/24/05 02:26 PM, Coop83 wrote: So it's YOUR fault I had to scrape all the snow off my car this morning? It didn't stick, so driving was easy, plus the roads were less congested than normal.

ha ha :P apparently it is . Btw Congrats on the level up Coop ^_^

He, Observing the Wing-Eater
Free Verse
By, K. Myst Williams

Those satire eyes defeated and rendered
That wandering mind completed with spender
For he looks upon his victims without vision
And senses the shadows in prominent decision
A sudden pause jolts the bumps of your skin
While a quiet nod comforts your flush fallen sin
Shoulders strong and a den’s mouth broad
Garments of status and hair stricken blonde
A powerful pose as he lifts his soft face
A striking resemblance in your dream of one place
The kindness so subtle, but the anger so thick
The purpose of reason, not but his tick
Adrenaline filled lungs you hold as his lips part
The word seemingly righteous as his bold voice soon starts
‘I am the joy of your dreams, but the breaker of heart
I am the will of your leisure, but the serpent’s soul part
The destroyer of free, the commons only chance,
The reason’s true light, the barren’s last stance;
I both look like an angel, but feel like the beats;
I am the wing-eater, and I have come here to feast.’
Every word vibrates a scratchy dark song
Then he closes his mouth and stares at the ground
His jacket unbuttons one at a time
His hair shields his face as the church bells do chime
The pews are all formal, hand carved like an art
The altar undressed, bare as your will soon departs
The church ceiling powerfully high, the windows elegantly long,
The emotions punctually off, the spirit undoubtedly strong
Your rosary weaves through your fingers with grace
You can’t help but feel your place in this space
You look in his eyes and stand in demand
You capture his grin and claim, ‘I don’t understand.’
He steps towards you as his coat falls like drape
He leans in so close that you want to run and escape
He whispers so gently, almost comforting and kind,
‘You never will,’ and your fears you do find
A moment of realization of good, evil and purpose
Satan’s allegory has now finally surfaced
A darkness fog falls and layers the church
As you sense all your wrongs and opportunities you search
He slowly steps back and your chill disappears
You witness a miracle but what returns are your fears
Wanting to find that moment or lapse
You are too caught up imagining the wing-eater’s flap
The motive no longer to discover the truth
But to burn up all motives and exploit God’s ridden truth
The burst of the truth is like the philosopher’s sire
As wind travels higher and you vocation sets afire
You look upon him piece by piece
Images flash, the souls of the deceased
The purest white creeps over his shoulders
The room soon settles and the candles grow colder
A shadow bursts over you in a motion of spring
Like tender roses growing it is the most beautiful thing
But in that blinding gust of aero force
The candles blow out and the room shutters from the source
They spread even further; an image of God
But then the darkness spreads over like black wings of fog
With one subtle move he lifts into the air
And peers over those dear with a deep scowled stare
Yet another man enters with astonish and shock
For the sights one can see with never size up
The man named father, but without a son of his own
Kneels down at the angel oblivious to disown
Obscure as this is, the angel’s eyes seem so pure
But his actions seem dark without sight of the cure
The angel of darkness, not Satan himself
But a blonde man once said to rarely use his mouth
He seems to spare the priest but floats towards you
You stand strong like a soldier in both ignorance and true
You wish you flew too like he as he strides
He nears and raises his arm as if to confide
He touches your heart and you suddenly feel weak
He leans over your shoulder; some kind of sick freak
You try to back up, but you are solid in your spot
His wings wrap around you, you feel very distraught
Encased in his beauty, his wings wash with snow
The pure white fades back and you feel a new calm flow
A heat builds up around your pumping heart from his palm
His words, to your soul, a silent soft feed
He whispers in your ears,
‘Forever shall be the life that you lead.’

***************************************************************************
****

Coop, i finally got through your long ass Chapter II and it was fucking awesome. I was not really looking for any grammar mistakes or anything, so i hope you werent expecting me to edit it. : P

Your writing is immaculate... simple lines like this just get me: 'Books, tomes and grimoires took up all of the available shelf space and then some.' And things like that are all throughout the piece. I don't know why, but your writing just captures my attention from a reader's perspective and your unique way of combining complex sentences and re-structuring simple sentences just makes it an enjoyable read from a literary perspective as well.

Now that i am used to your writing, i don't believe i ever got confused like I did with the first chapter. Your style was just difficult to adjust to the first time i ever read your work, now i am accustomed to it.

Other then praise i havn't much else to say. I am not exactly sure what you wanted me to express after reading it, so if you have any specific question, i might be able to suit you further.

Otherwise, it is awesome and coming along well. As is character development and plot.

lol, though... this sentence: 'There was a scattering of the obligatory sequins and magical insignia.' I had to run to the dictionary in order to fully understand. : P I am still not sure if it structured right, but at least i understand it. ^_^

Message from ImmortalDarkness:
God damnit! Must I resumbit the thing again to see if you will review or not!

-YK

Hey everyone, I know I haven't posted in a while, and I know none of you missed me, but here's another shitty song I wrote.

Scream

all the times I waited for you
to find out you were gone
I sacrificed my pride for you
and you show thanks with your hand

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

tonight I layed myself to sleep and cried
why don’t you even care
I can just throw it all away
you gave up on me

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

you wanted honesty
i never want to let you down
but you gave me all those dirty looks

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

im not okay
you make me feel like a freak
i dont belong
you dont care
this is not the life i want
take a good hard look
at what you’ve done to me

i am
so far
from you

whats the worst that i can say
you make me want to scream

At 2/24/05 02:33 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: ha ha :P apparently it is . Btw Congrats on the level up Coop ^_^

Thank you.

At 2/24/05 07:08 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Coop, i finally got through your long ass Chapter II and it was fucking awesome. I was not really looking for any grammar mistakes or anything, so i hope you werent expecting me to edit it. : P

Thanks for the review, Myst

lol, though... this sentence: 'There was a scattering of the obligatory sequins and magical insignia.' I had to run to the dictionary in order to fully understand. : P I am still not sure if it structured right, but at least i understand it. ^_^

I had a bit of trouble with it, but I think it came right... just about. Wizards always like to be flashy and have no fashion sense whatsoever. I thought I'd try to describe it, but it's quite difficult.

At 2/25/05 01:08 AM, -Emo wrote:

Kirkus.. why did you change your name to "-Emo"?

And in other news, I'm back from like my 6th ban.

I’ve been looking for a life to settle into, a place to stay, a girl to home with and be comfortable with, and so she can have what she wants, just as I never did. I am an Orphan.

I have been through so many stages of hardship, cruelty, torturous pain at times. I made it, I am alive to tell my life to many out in the world who care. I don’t socialise well, and I don’t create my friends. My friends create me. I’ve wondered what it would be like to die. To bleed my blood over all that I work hard for. I have tried, but I haven't figured the best way to leave. Should I slit my throat? Should I slit my wrists? Hang myself? I feel nothing. Love isn't ever there. I want to leave and stop this pain, I want to forget everyone and everything, forget the trouble I cause and the peace I avoid.

I cry many nights when I’m alone. One I had been a boy and I never cried, I was too scared to even think about a family, a friend, not one. I could only think of death, injustice, discrimination and racism. Everything I hadn't fully understood at that time. But now I do cry. I understand I had nothing, I have nothing and that I am nothing.

My temper is at a gage, it can rise, and it can fall. Once it rises, its like a whole new me, many of my friends understand what I go through, I hate losing, and they know about it, so they never give up on me. I respect that so much, but temper is an emotion that overwhelms the creativity of friendship and love, and so frankly, I gave up on trying. Trying is a word which I killed and hid under my floor-boards a long, long time ago.

Yes the weekend is here at last! W00t! Now I cna gte some serious writing done.....except on sunday cause I have a crappy orchestra competition to go to.......but apart from that YAY!

has anyone rea dthe thign i posted earlier on this page?

At 2/25/05 12:35 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Kirkus.. why did you change your name to "-Emo"?

dunno, I change my name from time to time, won't be very long before I'm kirkus again.

At 2/25/05 05:17 AM, Coop83 wrote: Thanks for the review, Myst

It was long over due, but i couldn't find time to finish reading the chapter. I am reading two novels for school right now and have been doing an average of 2 essays a week between my 4 classes. : P
staying up until 12 and waking up at 6 everyday has been killing me. Weekends are like miracles when i sleep in, but tomorrow onc ei wkae up at 1pm, i am going to be working on another essay as it is. So as you can tell ,things have been hectic. lol.

I had a bit of trouble with it, but I think it came right... just about. Wizards always like to be flashy and have no fashion sense whatsoever. I thought I'd try to describe it, but it's quite difficult.

Ya, i am just dumb and had to look up one of the words in the dictionary... it was awkward at first, but does the trick. ^_^

*****************************

Kirkus/Emo.... nice poetry. I saw it in the LNL already, but good stuff. I enjoyed the read.

P.S. RG users: I submitted a new PS piece that i am getting all my online buddies to check out. Here: http://photoshop.retrogade.com/view.php?id=1796

Attention.
I'm bored with this place. I might leave.

(

At 2/25/05 10:56 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Attention.
I'm bored with this place. I might leave.

Well thanks for the support?

lol, i am not sure what kind of responce you were expecting, but if you don't like the place then why should i ask you to stay any longer? We enjoyed having you... i guess we may see you around?

At 2/25/05 11:01 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: lol, i am not sure what kind of responce you were expecting

I'm an attention whore tonight. On the corner of General and Clubs & Crews.

At 2/25/05 11:03 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: I'm an attention whore tonight. On the corner of General and Clubs & Crews.

^_^ We all have our days. I just was confused why you stated it. lol. I hope you don't leave though, if that matters any.

At 2/25/05 11:05 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: ^_^ We all have our days. I just was confused why you stated it. lol. I hope you don't leave though, if that matters any.

I'm not leaving you silly. I'm just getting annoying about the Fanfiction reviews.
Part two...
Leon stood with the officer on his right. They both had their arms outstretched. The people were coming towards them. Their time was running out. Well, it’s now or never, Leon thought. He shot one in both of the eyes, thereby disabling it. He shot one in the leg, ran up, and performed a suplex on it, leading to a breaking of its neck. The officer shot accurately, but he wasn’t shooting with heart. Normally, he would keep going, but now, he had to take breaks in-between shots.
Now there were 5 out of 11 down. Leon was starting to get tired. He heard something. It sounded like a chainsaw. But, he only heard it for but a second, and it disappeared. I must be imagining things, he thought. He took down two with a heel to ones nose and a foot to the others jaw, spinning its head around and breaking its neck.
The officer started screaming. Leon turned around and said, “What’s wrong!?” but he didn’t need an answer. A man with a potato sack over his head with holes cut out for the eyes was running towards the officer. And he had a chainsaw. The man raised it high over is head and rammed it down on the officer, splitting him in two pieces. Leon started gagging at the sight. Better get running or get shooting if I don’t want to end up like him.
Leon shot him in the leg, and he was down to the ground for a second. Leon took this chance and ran past him as fast as he could. This is suicide, he thought, I’m running away from these things now, and I’m heading towards a village that’s full of ‘em. Damned CIA.
The chainsaw man was now chasing after him. Leon looked back and saw him. He was gaining on him. Leon turned his head back forward and tripped over a twig. He was down. He thought his life was over. Leon, you idiot. You’re a trained CIA agent. You’re gonna let one guy with a chainsaw stop you from your mission!? Leon took heed of his thoughts and when the man came up to him, he shoved his feet into the man’s gut, and clasped his feet onto his wrist, spun, and broke it. “No more chainsaws for you,” Leon said as he kicked the man down on the ground. He raised his foot, and then took one stomp on his head, leaving a big footprint in it.
After a little while’s walk, Leon felt a vibration on his hip. His walkie-talkie was picking up a signal. He flipped it open and saw a fairly attractive woman with glasses on the other end.
“Leon Scott Kennedy I presume?” the woman said.
“Yes. And who are you?” Leon replied.
“My name is Hunnigan. I’ll be your technical support on this mission.”
“I see.”
“Care to fill me in on everything that happened since your arrival? Sorry I didn’t contact you sooner, but it was a pain getting in touch with you. Is everything OK?”
“That’s a negative, Hunnigan. The villagers around here. Well.. They’re not the kind of people you want as neighbors.”
“And what does that mean?”
“It means that they want me dead. So far about 14 have attacked me.”
“And you…?”
“I had no choice. I had to neutralize them all. But they are NOT human. Either that or they’re some freaky ones.”
“Explain, please.”
“Well, at the house on the outskirts of the village, on their table. The woman was eating rotten food. And as far as I know, no human can eat rotten food and either like it or survive from it.”
“That may be true. But bizarre eating habits cannot make people supernatural.”
“Tch. Fine. So I guess their need to kill me and the officers doesn’t make them bad people either?”
“For one thing, I never said bad. And another thing, the officers are dead?”
“Would you like me to go into detail on their deaths?”
“I’m sure I won’t like it, but I have to.”
Leon told her the whole story about from when the truck hit them, up to where he currently was. Hunnigan was shocked.
“But anyways,” Hunnigan said, “You still need to get Ashley back.”
“I know. Leon, over and out.”
* * *

R&R

D

I'd like to start a contest. I was thinking of a writing contest consisting of three Regulations.
1. Type (Poem, Story, Description)
2. Length (None, 250, 500 words)
3. Meter (may specify meter in poems)

I'm not too sure how to explain #3 so I'll leave that to Myst. Voting will consist of e-mails from WG members to an address that I will post following its creation.

O_o

I think we need to start some reviewing people. There is a backlog of stuff that requires reviewing currently. I'll do a few but I really think we need to get some sort of system worked out so we can get reviews done quickly.

Understandlably not everyone can review everything and people don't always hav time to review thigns but I think there are a few members in here that could help out a bit more with the reviewing.

Now Ive had my rant I'll tyr and remove the bakc log of pieces that are waiting to be reviwed.

<puts on Scuba diving gear>
toodle pips chaps. Shall see you when ive cuaght myself a great white stroy shark>

<falls backwrads into water>

At 2/25/05 11:07 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Part two...

more descripition needed IMO. Its a decent little story so far but it requires some tweaks here and there. the way you just said thigns liek
" He shot the zombie in the eys diabling it and then shot another one in the leg" kind o annoyed me a little. I know that wasn't the exact words you used but it is the kind of stuff you included. Make it mroe interesting.

" He fired a shot at the zombies head and struck its eyes diabling it from advancing any further. He span around and fired off another shot at the zombie behind him. The bullet pierced the skin on its leg and it fell on the floor groaning."

Thats what you need to add IMO. Styiff liek that so people get more information so they can imagine whats actually happening.

At 2/23/05 09:12 PM, boloneyman wrote: "Kido so we meet again, I wish we could talk, but I'm in a rush to become all powerful" Niku said.

sorry but I have something against this bit here. I can't picture anyone in any situation saying somethign like " No time to chat. I'm trying to become all powerful " it just wouldnt happen. Maybe something along the liens of " Shut up! I don't have time to talk im in the middle of rasising my power level (or whatever)" which is basically the same thign but it soudns better in my opinion.

"Save it" Kido replied "You know why we're here, I would read your rap sheet, but as you said you're in a hurry."
"Then lets make this quick" Niku said opening his wings preparing to summon the demon inside him. But before he could to darts hit his wings and shocked them. His wings fell limp to his sides, parylized.

I'm begining to detect a pattern in my reviews. I tend tpo be veyr descriptive in my writing and I seem toe xpect everyone else to be aswell.

anyway that bit is to bland for my liking. it is to much of a "wham bam thank yuo man sentence." it gets straight to the poit when you could make it mroe interesting by being more descriptive about what happens.

"You fuckers" Niku yelled at the top of his lungs in anger. He took great pride in his wings and they sullied them. He would now have to dispose of them the old fashioned way.
"Surround him!" Kido commanded taking his post at the top of the stairs.
As the polive surronded him a fire formed in Niku's hands, "This is going to be fun" Niku said.
A soider jumped at him and in mid air Niku threw his fireball. The soider was disintergrated instantly. The rest of the group charged at Niku, but met the same fate as the first soider. When Niku was sure the soiders were ash he turned to Kido and the eleves by his side.
Niku raised his hand and fired a barrage of fireballs at Kido. There was a blast of smoke, Niku couldn't see a thing. As the smoke cleared Niku saw Kido and the soiders emerge from Kido's cape, an elven cloak, immune to goblin spells.

Damn i think I have found my pet peeve for writing. Once more its straight to the point but that isn't always needed and in the situation you have put the character sin I think it would be better to describe everything in detail so the reader knwos exactly whats happening

Apart from that its a good little piece ^_^ the story line is quite interetsing.

At 2/25/05 12:47 PM, -WhiteFang- wrote: I’ve been looking for a life to settle into, a place to stay, a girl to home with and be comfortable with, and so she can have what she wants, just as I never did. I am an Orphan.

Dont be scared to review...

At 2/26/05 12:03 PM, -WhiteFang- wrote: Dont be scared to review...

:P

That was a ncie little piece. Im not entirly sure what its for. Is it just somethign you wrote for the sake of writing or for soemthign in particualr like a school projetc or something?

it was rather dark but I liked it. its a nice piece and I enjoyed reaidng it and there isnt much else I can say really.,

Manic always keeps the reviewing going. If anyone wants me to review something specificall, tell me what page and post your piece is on. I have been busy lately and dont have the time to go back and do all of them.

Manic, I saw your sig said Birmingham... and in my current novel there is a quick pit stop in Birmingham for one chapter and i was hoping you could give me any major details about there city that might be important for me to know. Like what century most the buildings were built (maybe new)... local tourist attractions... I have no idea, but any details you can think of may be greatly useful for me. ^_^

Coop, i was curious about World Of Warcraft and was wondering what race, class etc your new character is. I am thinking that as soon as May comes around, i will be getting it (I will be old enough for a credit card by then)... because i checked out the site and it looks sick, plus i havnt played video games in a while and i always did enjoy the Warcraft series (owning them all).

At 2/26/05 01:25 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Manic always keeps the reviewing going. If anyone wants me to review something specificall, tell me what page and post your piece is on. I have been busy lately and dont have the time to go back and do all of them.

Scroll up this page and take alookj at what i posted will ya?

Manic, I saw your sig said Birmingham... and in my current novel there is a quick pit stop in Birmingham for one chapter and i was hoping you could give me any major details about there city that might be important for me to know. Like what century most the buildings were built (maybe new)... local tourist attractions... I have no idea, but any details you can think of may be greatly useful for me. ^_^

errrrrr ok then. Main tourist attractions are the Bull ring shopping centre, Sea life centre, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr god....i can;t think now gimme a bit and I'll ahvea think ask coop aswell he live in the same kind of area and may know mroe than me.

Coop, i was curious about World Of Warcraft and was wondering what race, class etc your new character is. I am thinking that as soon as May comes around, i will be getting it (I will be old enough for a credit card by then)... because i checked out the site and it looks sick, plus i havnt played video games in a while and i always did enjoy the Warcraft series (owning them all).