I read the first two chapters I must admit I really liked it I will continue to read just not right now way too much reading I can't get other things done

Oh yeah, Coop. I forgot to congratulate you on your level up a while back.

So belated congrats!

well, had a long and enjoyable weekend with my friends. It was really a long, and good learning experience for me. I think I slowly learned a bit more about myself, and who I really am. I learned from my friends, played music with my band, and started a new and hopefully long lasting relationship with a girl named brittney. To remember this weekend, I wrote something for it.

Friends

if I tremble and i shake
will you be there to hold me
if i stumble and i fall
will you be there to pick me up

with all the days that go by so fast
we get lost in confusion
the times we've had
the lives we live
we'll never forget the past

since day one
I never really knew me
I dont know much now
but I know I have my friends
the people who care
who stick by me
the friends i have today

I'm starting to see who I really am
Who I never could see before
without my friends I'd never know
what's happened to me
throughout my life
all the pain and all the fun
I don't think that it would mean much

without my friends.

I'm not really a kinda touchy felly person but I would say thats a good poem

At 2/27/05 07:20 PM, repent_i_will_not wrote: I'm not really a kinda touchy felly person but I would say thats a good poem

umm...how is it touchy feely? It's about FRIENDS.

At 2/27/05 06:43 PM, repent_i_will_not wrote: I read the first two chapters I must admit I really liked it I will continue to read just not right now way too much reading I can't get other things done

Well, since there is only the first 2 chapters at the moment, you'll have to wait, just like the rest of them. If you'd like to give me feedback, I accept posts on WG as well as email, or MSN. Thanks.

At 2/27/05 07:16 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Oh yeah, Coop. I forgot to congratulate you on your level up a while back.

So belated congrats!

Thanx, ID.

My thoughts on this one.

At 2/27/05 07:18 PM, -Emo wrote: Friends

Simple yest affective title.

if I tremble and i shake
will you be there to hold me
if i stumble and i fall
will you be there to pick me up

I really think this has great flow even though there is no rhyme scheme and no meter (which i thought there was at first [7, 7, 7, 8] - on purpose, maybe). I am not sure if it is grammatically correct, i am struggling with the saying of 'I' twice in those two lines, just seems awkward to me, but it does flow nicely and is a great opening stanza; really setting the mood.

with all the days that go by so fast
we get lost in confusion
the times we've had
the lives we live
we'll never forget the past

Breaks up a bit, but sometimes this type of interuption can hold a good transition between tones in a poem, which it does (looking at the next stanza); not perfectly utilized and kind of sloppy, but you managed to keep your hat on with that stanza and still seem to capture my attention as the reader while stilll filling the images i have rendered into my mind's eye.

since day one
I never really knew me
I dont know much now
but I know I have my friends
the people who care
who stick by me
the friends i have today

The line: 'I don't know much now' seems out of place, maybe it is a meter thing (syllables in that line), but it is out of whack with the rest to read aloud. Still very exspresssive, which i like about your poetry. ^_^

I'm starting to see who I really am
Who I never could see before

Amazing two lines; just thought i'd point that out.

without my friends I'd never know

That too goes well.

what's happened to me
throughout my life

Awkward. Read aloud and see if maybe something is missing, it could be me just being picky though.

all the pain and all the fun
I don't think that it would mean much

Nice!

without my friends.

Clean ending. I am a fan of the one line endings as you may tell from a lot of my poetry. Sums it up clean and smooth with a sleek approach at restating your initial point.

So, in end, i broke up that last stanza because the concluding stanza is always important and i felt i was just in doing so. Overall, the poem is quite good. I am a fan of rhyme and meter, but you pulled it off nicely without. Just make sure to read your poems aloud, because some parts seemed awkard (which i pointed out) mostly because i think the meter didnt flow in sync with the line previous. If i were to rate this, i'd give it a 7/10 (which is above average to me. 8/10 is amazing. A 9/10 is nearly perfect while 10/10 is like me saying you are like a Thomas Hardy ^_^ [which no one will ever be lol]). And to be truely accuarte i'd give it more like a 7.3, but that is just me being articulate. ^_^ Great poem.

**********************************************

TO ALL THOSE WHO WANT POETRY BREAK DOWNS LIKE THIS: Make sure you specially request it, or i will just read it and maybe not ever comment. I will do breakdowns if asked. ^_^

Myst. It should soon be Kyle and Ropert, because Epert is soon to die and you're a great critic!

At 2/28/05 08:28 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Myst. It should soon be Kyle and Ropert, because Epert is soon to die and you're a great critic!

lol, thanks. That would be a sick job! I'd love to watch movie for a living; I already watch movies enough as it is. I do also hope one day i will be writing full length scripts.

At 2/28/05 08:50 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: lol, thanks. That would be a sick job! I'd love to watch movie for a living; I already watch movies enough as it is. I do also hope one day i will be writing full length scripts.

Just keep on trying and one day you'll get there, Myst.

At 2/28/05 07:58 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: My thoughts on this one.

Okay, I had written this gigantic response that was about 10 words off from being past the post size limit, but when I clicked post, my fucking mozilla CRASHED! >: (. So anyway, I'm greatly appreciative that you took the time to read, and respond to my poem dude. I always enjoy reading what people have to say about my writings, may it be good, or bad. I always look forward to your responses the most though. Since there's no way I'm typing 6000 words again, I'm just going to ask that if you can, whenever I post a song/poem, which isn't TOO often, that you could simply give me a response and/or critique on what you thought of it. It doesn't have to be long like this one, any comment is really appreciated.

here is a little poem i wrote

One Day

One day in the future when we see eye to eye
One day in the future when people will not cry
One day in the future when we put the past behind us
One day in the future whenno anger hides inside us
One day in the future where there will be no fight
Oneday in thefuture we will see the light

i just wrote that last week
pretty simple but i thought it sounded good

so...tell me what you guys think a little feedback right gnuh

evil evil wvil School teachers! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr teahcers setting me courseworkfor in after easter and I don't know how tio do it nd I suck at composing anyway. Bad bad teachers! So I may not be aorund as much as I usually am just to let you know :-)

At 2/28/05 11:57 PM, -Emo wrote: Okay, I had written this gigantic response that was about 10 words off from being past the post size limit, but when I clicked post, my fucking mozilla CRASHED!

Ouch, damn, i would have liked to hear what you wanted to say. Not much can be done though.

So anyway, I'm greatly appreciative that you took the time to read, and respond to my poem dude. I always enjoy reading what people have to say about my writings, may it be good, or bad.

And just to note one more time. My comments were good, i really liked your piece. Please don't get the wrong idea... i am just articulate... ^_^

I'm just going to ask that if you can, whenever I post a song/poem, which isn't TOO often, that you could simply give me a response and/or critique on what you thought of it.

Will do. Done deal.

Myst, with your light aura and all, shouldn't your profile pic be blue?

At 3/1/05 03:46 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Myst, with your light aura and all, shouldn't your profile pic be blue?

Hmm, when i click 'View Your Profile' it is blue, weird. When i treid to upload my red sig, i didnt think it worked, but it seems it works for everyone else but me. I will fix that, i hope. Thanks for pointing that out though. ^_^

Ladies and gentlemen wlecome to manic street preachers one minute wonder poetyr corner.

Believe?

Do you believe in angels?
Do you believe in death?
Do you believe in illness?
Do you believe in stress?
Do you think the world is ending?
Do you think the end is near?
Is there anything to live for?
Is everything to fear?

Am I just a stranger?
Am I just a man?
Am I another person that’s,
part of the holy scam?

I see the world for what it is.
I see the taints and lies.
I see the Weavers web,
That corrupts the pure and free,
I feel the pain and suffering,
Of men and women like me.

I believed miracles
And I believe in fate.
But these days there I nothing left!
The apocalypse has a set date!

At 3/1/05 04:47 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: Believe?

Maybe, let me read.

Do you believe in angels?

I'd like to.

Do you believe in death?

Obviously.

Do you believe in illness?

Um... maybe a metaphor i am not catching, but yes.

Do you believe in stress?

lol, i feel it all the time. :P Not really, im pretty stress free to be honest.

Do you think the world is ending?

Yes, humanity is on a downward spiral.

Do you think the end is near?

No, not my lifetime, but near as in not too many generatiosn after my own. Give it a few hundred years.

Is there anything to live for?

Everything is to live for.

Is everything to fear?

No, nothing is to be feared, foe fear is as figment as reality.

Am I just a stranger?

Kinda sort... i know you via internet.

Am I just a man?

Not sure? Hermaphrodite?

Am I another person that’s,
part of the holy scam?

Everyone is. Religion is whack...

I see the world for what it is.

I doubt it. You... enlightened? Oh, you meant in the negative sense. ; )

I see the taints and lies.

As do i.

I see the Weavers web,
That corrupts the pure and free,
I feel the pain and suffering,
Of men and women like me.

Women like you?

I believed miracles

Meh, i believe we make our miracles. Thus not making them miracles per say.

And I believe in fate.

We create our fate too...

But these days there I nothing left!

Love, Passion, Expression, Wisdom... shall i go on? ^_^

The apocalypse has a set date!

I doubt it... but probably subconciously in our minds, we know it is true.

Anyway, sorry for joking around with it, i was bored and thought that'd be fun. Anyway, on a serious note: I liked the poem. It was interesting and deep. Really did make me think even though my answers were scarce at times and even sarcastic, but it had a lot of meaning and i enjoyed the poem. Keep'em coming. ^_^

At 3/1/05 05:11 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

Am I just a man?

Not sure? Hermaphrodite?

I see the Weavers web,
That corrupts the pure and free,
I feel the pain and suffering,
Of men and women like me.

Women like you?

Myst, that review was hilarious. Lol. You're a bad man, but damn its funny.

I'm in one of my...not-so-good/love song moods....BLAH

only

knockin on your door
im waiting for an answer
I hope I didn't miss you
The world rests on my shoulders
with all the hearts that break
I need to see you

only we can find
what we're looking for
only we can see
what we need to see
and only we
can find the cure
for our loneliness

now look away
dont forget about me
i'll be standing there
waiting for the day
that you come to me

only we can find
what we're looking for
only we can see
what we need to see
and only we
can find the cure
for our loneliness

you give me a reason to believe...

here's another:

I don't belong

you're so fucking mean
so cold
why do you treat us so wrong
everything is going wrong
there's nowhere left for me to run
I am so scared to turn around
to see what I've left behind
The past could come back to haunt me
I don't want to see it now

you're tears fall on me
all the fear
i think we need to stop this
need to stop hiding

something is wrong
we can't hide anymore
we're taking to long
to stand up for what is right

I'm sick of all my fear
I'm tired of every night
I spend alone
without anyone to help

something is wrong
we can't hide anymore
we're taking to long
to stand up for what is right

I don't belong.

At 3/1/05 05:27 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Myst, that review was hilarious. Lol. You're a bad man, but damn its funny.

Lol I agotta agree that was actually funny lol.

Thanks for the review though :P

Might try and post another one later tpday if I cna be bothered.

Your favourite street preacher

Manic.

At 3/2/05 12:39 PM, CMOT_Dibbler wrote: Manic.

Tell me, Manic, is the name change a temporary thing, or do you want us to start calling you 'Throat'?

At 3/2/05 03:23 PM, Coop83 wrote: Tell me, Manic, is the name change a temporary thing, or do you want us to start calling you 'Throat'?

Meh I dunno. i may keep it at this but that would involve getting a new sig and I can't be bothrered to make one so it will probably only be a temporary thing but meh this is me so if I don';t change it back by the end of the month then im keeping it :P

Now we have that sorted. Care for a sausage in a bun Coop?

What do you guys think of my name change?

At 3/2/05 03:57 PM, WithoutCease wrote: What do you guys think of my name change?

Not as cool as mine <insert shades Msn Emitcom here> Nothign ebats the power of the dibbler :P

At 3/1/05 06:22 PM, -Emo wrote: only

Only what? As much as it is awkward and i don't like it... don't change it, because it already has be intrigued. ^_^

knockin on your door
im waiting for an answer
I hope I didn't miss you
The world rests on my shoulders
with all the hearts that break
I need to see you

Great start, but last line seems awkward.

2 stanza

Great stanza!

stanze 3

Nice flow, best stanza so far...

you give me a reason to believe...

Another nice one liner ending... i think i told you this before, but i do the same. I feel it is the perfect way (at most times [exceot sonnets]) to clean up an ending and restate your poetic 'thesis' as one could say. Good poem.

At 3/1/05 06:30 PM, -Emo wrote: I don't belong

Cheesy title.

Opening stanza

Very good, but the last two lines dont flow with the rest of the stanza in my mind. Very, very good though.

After Note: Best stanza of the whole poem... well written while some of the rest of the poem is not.

Stanza 2

Cheesy...

Stanza 3

Good, nothing special, but good.

I'm sick of all my fear
I'm tired of every night
I spend alone
without anyone to help

Damn, this would have been the perfect time to throw in a metaphor and intrigue me, but it just keeps going bleh and cheey-ish. It is not bad at all, by all means, it is averagly written, but this poem (ballad), thus far, is far below some of you others and really is quite monotone.

I don't belong.

Clean ending though, just this poem was all too cheesy and what really eats me, is that it was not expressed originally. If you are going to write about cliche topics, you have to be original or they turn from cliche to cheesy. Get what i mean? One of your worse, but still decent. I liked it at times, but at other times i just wanted to finish reading. Sorry, just giving you my honesty.

***************************************************************************
****************************

At 3/2/05 03:23 PM, Coop83 wrote: Tell me, Manic, is the name change a temporary thing, or do you want us to start calling you 'Throat'?

Manic is going through that Identity versus Confusion stage of Erikson's stages of moral development. Either way Manic, you need to pick a name and stick with it or i am gonna call you Fox no matter what your name is. If i were you, just put i as 'Manic' - it just sounds cool. ^_^

At 3/2/05 04:03 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Manic is going through that Identity versus Confusion stage of Erikson's stages of moral development. Either way Manic, you need to pick a name and stick with it or i am gonna call you Fox no matter what your name is. If i were you, just put i as 'Manic' - it just sounds cool. ^_^

Me in an idnetity crisis? What ever gave you that idea?

Actualyl i like that die aof just having manic as my name........,.time for a name change ^_^

At 3/2/05 03:37 PM, CMOT_Dibbler wrote: Now we have that sorted. Care for a sausage in a bun Coop?

No thanks, Throat. I've just eaten.

BTW, for those of you not in the know, CMOT in Dibbler's name stands for Cut My Own Throat (Hence me calling him 'Throat') See Discworld for more details of this wonderful subject.

At 3/2/05 04:06 PM, Coop83 wrote:

At 3/2/05 03:37 PM, CMOT_Dibbler wrote: Now we have that sorted. Care for a sausage in a bun Coop?

No thanks, Throat. I've just eaten.

are you sure? i cna offer you the best prices around. How about a dragon detector then?

It somehow doesn't have the sameaffect now I changed my alias again :-( I think myst is right! I am having an identity crisis!

BTW, for those of you not in the know, CMOT in Dibbler's name stands for Cut My Own Throat (Hence me calling him 'Throat') See Discworld for more details of this wonderful subject.

Greatets characte rin the whole series of books bar one! Gaspode the wonder dog!